I did it! I did it! I redid my kitchen cabinets, with the help of my “sister” and some really long, physically demanding days. (Please view the Slideshow below!) Sanding, sanding, sanding, staining, staining, and polyurethane. New door and drawer pulls and spray painted hinges (saved a lot of money that way!) – that’s how I got it done. This isn’t a step-by-step of how to redo your kitchen, though. You’ll find that all over the internet. This is a play-by-play of how I worked 16+ hours a day on this huge project, while caring for my children, providing meals, comfort and attention. And how we all fell apart.
Shalayne and I had it all planned out. We would sand during nap time after I picked her up from the airport. We would sand after bedtime and then we’d be done sanding. It didn’t work that way. The sanding consumed us. The tiny little grooves and edges were not workable with our electric sanders. Hand sanding was all we could do and it’s all we did for hours, until our finger tips were raw. Then we looked over to see more doors waiting for us. Two whole days of sanding and then some, all day, all evening, and well into the night. All the while, my children are running around being children and needing their Mommy.
I don’t get much time for me. I guess you could count nap time, but I’m still “on”, always listening for a cry or a whimper, looking at the clock, seeing what I can get done while they’re resting. Then there’s bedtime, but I’m so tired by then, how can I do much of anything? I barely check my e-mail, maybe cuddle with my husband and then 9 o’clock rolls around and I’m more than ready to go to sleep. At 5:45 a.m. the next day, it all begins again.
This project was as much for my family, my husband and my home as it was for me. I like finishing things. I like transforming things and creating things. I really wanted this. But how?
Shalayne did her part – she bought water beads, stickers, light up balls and gifts. I did my part – I had snacks and drinks, toys and a lot of freedom. The weather was in our favor: no rain, not too hot, a light breeze. There were many moments that I just stopped and stared in awe as they played independently in the yard, helping each other and laughing peacefully. There were times they “helped” and made me beam with pride. There were times they wanted more of me than I had to give and I realized how much I give all the time. Do you ever feel that way?
I’m no longer in the baby world, nursing a baby, changing a diaper and putting them down for a nap. I’m in full-blown toddler mode. These little people are running around, needing supervision and attention and creative ideas and inspiration and, well, me. They need me. And I love them. So. Much. So much, it hurts. I feel inadequate much of the time. I don’t know how to find time for me in the midst of it all. Sometimes I feel like I am slipping away.
1. Find things you love to do and do them. PERIOD.
2. When your kids interrupt you while doing something you love, explain to them what you’re doing and ask them if they’d like to help.
3. If what you love to do involves sitting down (reading, writing, crocheting or being on the computer), forget it. Seriously, my kids are angels when I’m busy, but if I stand or sit in one place for too long, I’m fair game.
4. Remember: they look to you for everything and even when you can’t be everything or do everything, you’re still their everything. Allow that realization to be an honor and a privilege instead of a burden.
5. Forgive yourself. For not being enough. For being selfish. For wanting peace and quiet once in a while. For arguing with a 3-year-old. For wishing a 12-hour day with your children on your husband (complete with chores, tantrums, laundry and dinner). For being human.
6. Forgive your children. They’re little people. They’re crazy little people (sometimes). They’re awesome little people (most of the time). They’re in uncharted territory and don’t have a clue what’s going on in their lives, let alone yours.
The long hours and short sleeps left me pretty raw by the time the project was finished and Shalayne was on her way back home. Between saying goodbye to her and returning to my very unkempt house, I fell apart. For a couple of days I waded through the mess, laundry, dishes in boxes on the floor and sanding dust everywhere. During those days, my children reattached themselves to me and demanded everything from “Not the PINK straw, I wanted PURPLE” to “Pick me up! Pick me up!” 75 times an hour. I cried. A lot. I think we all did.
I had no idea that the aftermath of this awesome project would lack joy and instead be filled with doubt, regret and exhaustion. It took over a week for things to start to feel “normal” again, for my tears to subside and their whines to dwindle. Eventually, I caught up with the laundry, put the kitchen back together, played enough games with my children that they returned to their happier selves, and vacuumed countless times. Eventually, we came back together again.
I’m happy we did it, happy we all experienced this. But I think, in the future, I need to do more for me so that when I take that time, we can all handle it better. I’m not exactly sure what that looks like (certainly not giant projects like this one!), but I think we can figure it out together. I can’t only be about play dates, crafts, games, puzzles, laundry, vacuuming, mopping, and making meals. Don’t get me wrong: I love this life of mine and wouldn’t want anyone else to have the role that I have in my children’s lives. I just need to remember that I’m still ME. While I have loves that can’t be pursued while they’re awake (reading, researching, this blog, and working with clients), my kids deserve to see me doing things I love, making time for myself and taking pride in my creations, the way I take pride in theirs.
Your turn: how do you make time for you?
Girl! You put down a vast majority of the thoughts I have been consumed with over the last 6.5 years. Funny, I ALWAYS think of that wonderful Indian we shared right before I and A made their debuts!!! Thank you for this, thank you!
Girl! You put down a vast majority of the thoughts I have been consumed with over the last 6.5 years. Funny, I ALWAYS think of that wonderful Indian we shared right before I and A made their debuts!!! Thank you for this, thank you!
Oh you are so sweet! I think of that often as well!
Oh you are so sweet! I think of that often as well!