Running, running, and running, running.
I’m running. The sun is starting to rise, I can just make out all the silhouettes of the trees in our forest lined neighborhood. The sky is a dusky blue and pale pink and the temperature is a comfortable 42 degrees.
It’s just after 7 in the morning and I check my watch to see that I’ve almost ran 3.5 miles. That’s good, right? I mean, no one could blame me for turning left into my driveway right now instead of running past it to get to a solid 4 miles this morning.
I keep going straight though. Why? Like I said, no one would say anything negative about a 3.5 mile run. They’d probably say, “That’s so awesome you did that!” or “I don’t even run at all so good on you.”
But I’m not doing it for them and I know myself better. I know I can make it to 4 miles. In fact, that was my goal in 2023, to get over my 3 mile hump and make it to 4 miles (as well as get under a 10 minute mile when I was closer to 11 minutes per mile). I reached both of those goals very, very slowly throughout the year. I struggle more with speed in the summer when it’s hot and I struggle with distance regularly because I got my 30 minutes of exercise and I can go home now…
It’s really easy to talk ourselves into doing less when we compare it with what other people are doing. Whether they’re doing more than us and we feel inferior or they’re doing less than us so we’re already superior, comparison is the catalyst. The same goes for the tug in my spirit to make changes or talk to someone or pray for something specific. No one could blame me for dismissing the urge or the thought. There are so many reasons for bypassing it completely and so many distractions eager to oblige.
But I know myself better. I’m not living life for other people and I certainly don’t want to look back and say, “Well, I could’ve done more but I was really busy (or distracted or worried or concerned about what others would think).” No. When I am staring into the eyes of God Himself, I will wish I’d done more. Just like when I come home from a run that I willingly cut short, I wish I’d gone the extra half mile. Because I knew I could. I knew it then and I know it now. I could always do more and what I can do has nothing to do with what anyone else does.
Help me do the more now, God. I don’t want to regret it later.