Category: Disordered Eating

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The BS Behind BMI (or Why BMI Isn’t an Accurate Portrayal of Your Health)

When selecting our health insurance plan for the coming year, I was reading through my husband’s employer handouts about credits they offer based on filling out personal information for health profiling. I didn’t think much of it until I mentioned it to my husband and he said, “According to the BMI, I’m overweight.” Looking at the literature again, I saw that they ask for height and weight. Oh yes, the “statistical scientific” analysis that somehow says that your height and weight determine whether you’re obese, overweight or normal.

“Well, that’s ridiculous,” I told my husband. “You are so healthy. I’m guessing you’re healthier than many people you work with!”

Still, plug in those numbers and suddenly he’s overweight? I probably am too for that matter, but I don’t play numbers games. At least not those kinds. How about these kinds of number games for you? The use of BMI to dictate whether you’re normal, overweight or obese has been based on ranges, which have changed. They used to be higher. They had a little more room for oh, I don’t know, bodily differences?! They, the infamous “they”, decided to make the cutoff 25 for normal. So if your BMI is over 25, you’re overweight. What made them decide this? Was it science? One might think, but no. It was politics. The International Obesity Task Force (IOTF) drafted the new numbers and the IOTF is funded by (cue the music) weight-loss drug makers Hoffman-La Roche (of Xenical) and Abbott Laboratories (of Meridia). Ta-daaaaah. Not so scientific at the end of the day, is it?

So now you have this number, your BMI, that is used to dictate how fat you are, which is supposed to tell employers and insurance companies how much of a health risk you are and it’s not even scientifically based! Worse than that is the idea that we have an obesity epidemic in America and obesity is killing people. Sigh. I’m shaking my head, in case you couldn’t see. The majority of studies actually state that overweight people live longer than those of “normal” weight. Makes you want to rethink that “normal” number again, doesn’t it? Especially if “normal” equals a shorter life.

Take your BMI and throw it out. Tell your physicians that this number has no representative value of your health. Tell them that you eat organic food, lots of fruits and vegetables and live an active life. Then watch their eyes glaze over. They’ve bought into these myths just like most of America. Obesity doesn’t equal disease, or even death. Are you surprised? Do you assume, like most people, that the heavier you are the more likely you are to be sick with various diseases? It’s just not true. Ask me and I’ll give you TONS of research to support my statement. I just don’t want to bore you with studies if you don’t want them.

Just because there are associations between two things does not mean there is causality. Question everything. Is it possible that those defined as obese have shorter life spans because constant dieting damaged their blood vessels? One cycle of weight loss followed by weight gain can damage blood vessels, increasing the risk for cardiovascular disease. Many of these “obese” people being associated with earlier deaths are among ethnic minorities and lower socioeconomic status, which is also associated with pollution and lack of access to medical care. Most interesting is that larger people in other countries are not exhibiting the diseases that we associate obesity with. The countries where these healthier “obese” people reside are countries that haven’t placed a huge stigma on weight. The stigma we’ve created around weight has increased our stress around weight and stress is a risk factor for so many diseases (including cardiovascular disease and diabetes). So is it weight or stress that is “causing” these diseases?

To think, BMI is a fabricated equation created to serve political purposes that can effect what level of care you receive? That weight is this number you’re supposedly in control of? (You’re not, by the way.) You are not a machine: calories in, calories out. Your mind and how you think about yourself and how much stress you carry about your weight or life in general are far more powerful than a number. This is why I don’t accept weight loss clients. It’s not a goal I wish to try to help someone achieve. Weight loss may come naturally with certain dietary and lifestyle changes, but weight is not the be all end all of health. Losing weight just to be thinner will probably do more damage in the long run. Real changes for real people who are living real lives – that’s more fulfilling than crunching numbers and prescribing diets that aren’t going to feed someone’s soul.

It’s just not as simple as “they’re” making it out to be. If the real truth is to be told, it’s our thoughts, ideas and feelings surrounding weight that are killing us. Not the weight itself. Take a deep breath, trust your body and your weight. Strive for health and happiness and peace and joy. These things may sound fluffy and powerless, but frankly, they’re easier to attain than a perfect BMI. Now if only we can get health care providers and employers to recognize this…

Much of what I’ve stated here is information gleaned from Linda Bacon, PhD in her book Health at EVERY Size. As the summary says on the back of her book, “Fat isn’t the problem. Dieting is the problem. A society that rejects anyone whose body shape or size doesn’t match an impossible ideal is the problem. A medical establishment that equates ‘thin’ with ‘healthy’ is the problem.”

If you’re hungry for more, just ask!

Disclaimer: I do receive a tiny percentages of purchases made through affiliate links on my site. The links to these products do not increase the cost to you but allow me to keep this blog going.
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Healing Disordered Eating, Part 2

Disordered eating is not just about eating disorders. It’s not just starving, bingeing or purging yourself. It’s restricting yourself in the name of dieting or losing a few pounds. It’s berating yourself when you “screw up” and bemoaning all the “bad” foods you ate. It’s forcing yourself to work out more later because of what you ate earlier. It’s calories in, calories out with complete disregard for the human being who has thoughts and feelings that are so much more important. Disordered eating holds you back from living.

In part 1, I talked about kindness and how important kindness is for ourselves and the world around us. So what’s part 2? Part 2 is curiosity. Curiosity is one of those mentalities that can determine whether you’re going to accuse someone, get in a fight with someone or just discover more about how a person works. Curiosity gives you the ability to discover things about yourself and others in a way that’s not inflammatory, not belittling and not accusatory.

I watch my kids and their curiosity, their sense of wonder about everything around them. The things that come out of my 3-year old’s mouth shock and amuse me constantly. But they’re honest, curious questions. Everything from “Do all boys have a penis, or just big boys like daddy?” Or “What is my nose stinking about? Did somebody fart?” “Why do flowers come in the spring? Don’t they like winter?” “When I was born, did I come rolling out of you, Mommy?” The questions! The innocence! The hunger for more knowledge! She’s truly interested in it all and it amazes me.

While we have matured enough (hopefully) to not go around blurting out some of these questions, we certainly can learn from them. Turn that curiosity inward, with just curiosity, not judgment or blame. “Why am I eating if I’m not hungry?” Let the answers come and accept them, consume them, learn from them. “I’m tired and it tastes good.” Okay. Okay, good. We’re getting somewhere now. “Why did I keep eating if I was full?” “Why am I choosing foods that don’t make me feel good after I eat them?” Do you see how these questions are kind and curious? They’re not hateful or mean and they elicit the kinds of responses that can help you learn more about yourself.

If you’re like me, you want to know when you get to step out of curiosity and into change… The answer is when you stop trying to step out of curiosity and into change! As long as you’re trying to change someone (including yourself), you’re not really being curious, are you? You’re being manipulative and trying to control the results. Being curious is just that: curiosity. Looking for clues. Seeking insight. Into you! Who could possibly be more interesting than you? The why’s and how’s of who you are, the what’s and where’s of how you think – these are fascinating discoveries!

When you stop trying to change and start seeking to learn, you’ll find that your curiosity has given you permission to BE. And in being free to be, you may find that you don’t have to control it all so much. By not controlling it all so much, you’re less likely to judge. By not judging, you’re able to let go. By letting go, you may find you’re not lashing out and reaching for things that you used to deem as “bad” and maybe grabbed them just to show you, to show them all that you can make yourself feel better. You can eat what you want and no one’s going to stop you! Because guess what? You don’t have to show them, or yourself, anything. You’ve been watching and asking and kindly observing how you operate and you can love those parts of yourself. You’re not “cheating” or “falling off the wagon”, you’re living and you’re aware of what you’re doing and you love yourself for taking care of yourself in whatever way you know how.

Some people fear that by letting go of the control, they’ll be eating take-out and donuts and cake until they gain 500 lbs and nobody loves them. My question is this: If you have to control yourself with such militant restraint, what pleasure is there? If you ate a donut once in a while because you wanted it and because it tastes good and because you have complete trust in yourself and compassion for who you are and why you’re eating it, wouldn’t that be a safer, more kind place to live? And wouldn’t you know that kind of trust if you’d taken the time to ask yourself a little bit about yourself? Instead of looking to a magazine that promises rapid weight loss or the latest diet craze to hit Pinterest, look inside. Find out who you are. Ask questions about what you want. How do you want to live? Who do you want to see living your life when you look back in 20 years? What do you want to eat? Right now? There’s no wrong answer. Promise.

In case this is all too vague and heady, I’m going to share with you an example of a conversation that I might have with myself:

I want a cookie.

Mmm, that sounds good. A cookie. Are you hungry?

Not really, but I want it.

Okay. I mean a cookie is just a cookie after all, but why eat it if you’re not hungry?

Well, it’s not often we have fresh baked cookies and it looks so good and I know it will taste good!

I bet it will! Fresh baked cookies are the best! So, if you really want it you should totally eat it. I’m just curious though, why don’t you wait til you’re hungry?

I don’t know. I guess I’m impatient because it’s going to taste good either way.

True. Is it possible it will taste even better when you’re hungry than it will when you’re not?

I guess.

I’m not trying to talk you out of it, really! You can have it if you want it. I’m just curious. If it will taste better when you’re hungry, what’s the harm in waiting?

I know, I know, you’re on the edge of your seat wondering what happens next, right? Well it depends. Some fears might pop up. What if I’m not hungry later and I miss out on all that fresh goodness? Well, realistically, it’s not the last cookie I’m ever going to have a chance to eat. The end of this conversation could go either way. If I want it, I’ll eat it. If I don’t really want it and I know I’m not hungry, I won’t. Either way, there’s a kind curiosity here. Do you see it?

I want this for you. I want it for all of us. Not just with food, but with life. If you don’t like how someone is acting (including yourself), you can be curious about it and separate yourself from the judgment of the action. Look deeper into the feelings and thoughts behind what’s happening and learn more about them (or yourself). Curiosity can take you deeper into relationship with others and yourself if you let it. I hope that you will.



Their curiosity and kindness has taught me more than any book ever could.
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Healing Disordered Eating, Part 1

 I really keep meaning to write about nutrition, supplements, and health. I have so many posts I’ve started about lemon water, meal-planning on a budget and more recipes. However, my heart is leading me elsewhere and so I follow.

I say this is “Healing Disordered Eating, Part 1” because I believe there will be many more posts on this subject because disordered eating is thick and deep and intense, as are we. So, where should we start?

    The first step to healing, the one that I had the hardest time taking, is kindness. Yup, kindness. To start with, kindness for oneself is so challenging and yet, isn’t it said that you can’t love others until you love yourself? I have to disagree. I have loved and continue to love deeply, though at times I have not loved myself. Let it be said, though, that as I have learned to be kind to myself, my love for others flows more freely and without obstacles. So, perhaps it should be said, you can’t love others freely until you are freely loving yourself.

I wish it was as easy as saying, “Be kind to yourself” and then we could move on, but it’s not. It’s a daily, hourly, by-the-minute practice. It takes conscious effort until it becomes your unconscious norm. Kind thoughts, kind feelings, kind words, kind actions…. Where, oh where do we start?

Let’s get one thing straight: Mean people suck. It’s true. They leave such a bad taste in your mouth and perhaps a PTSD feeling whenever you think about encounters you’ve had with them. I’ve been hurt so badly by people I’ve trusted and by complete strangers. These encounters are not easily forgotten. They shape our view of the world. Words can hurt. Period. I’m sure I’ve hurt many people as well and I am sorry that there have been times I was a “mean person”, or acted meanly. I’ve been most hurtful to myself. Perhaps you have too.

I hear stories about bullying and I cringe. How can people be so cruel? Of course this kind of cruelty is not just small town, schoolyard drama; people are fighting on social media, bullying on blogs, and just being violent and hateful in general. And so it spreads to a national and global level that makes me scared for my children, for all children. And then it just makes me angry.

Before my anxiety and frustration can run rampant, I have to bring it home and I invite you to do the same. Start with yourself. Affirmations go a LONG way. (A quick aside: I practiced an affirmation every day for a few months that stated, “I run five miles effortlessly.” At the time I started the affirmation, I was walking and jogging two to three miles every other day. A couple months in, I truly was running five miles and it was effortless. Making a long story short, it worked!) When a negative thought comes into your mind, try adding, “And I love myself.” Or say, “I am loveable.” Because you are. I know it. Some affirmations to try are the following: “I eat when I’m hungry. I stop when I’m full.” “I am beautiful, healthy and strong.” “I am kind to myself.” “I take care of myself.”

Be nice. To yourself, to others, to all. I don’t have all the answers to the cruelty that exists in the world, but I know it starts somewhere deep within, some kind of wound that festers and breeds all kinds of ugliness. So heal it. Heal deep down inside, the places that you don’t want people to see and the places that cause you to lash out at others when they get too close. The insecurities. The failures. The “I’m not good enough’s”. Speak kind words into those places.

  I’m sorry if you thought this was going to be a step-by-step posting on how to cure your roller-coaster dieting or your binge eating struggles. I wish I could give that to you, but it starts deep within. It starts with kindness. That first, giant step is one that will lead you on a path of complete healing. I can almost guarantee it. When you eat something you think is “bad”, try saying, “I ate this and I am still loveable.” Step off the scale and step into your life because it’s moving forward and you deserve to live it. Stop agonizing over it. Stop bullying yourself. This kindness that your spirit so desperately needs is waiting for you. Speak it. Find it. Feel it. If you want off the roller-coaster and you want to feel comfortable in your own skin again, the exit, the starting line, the journey, and the destination are all at the same place: Here. Now.

I do offer intuitive eating coaching sessions and will continue to post Parts 2, 3, 4 and however many I come up with for this subject of disordered eating that is so near and dear to my heart. For now though, practice kindness.

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Eating Disorders Defined and Confronted

     Some people hear (or read) the words “Eating Disorders” and they picture an emaciated young woman, starving herself (or purging herself) to a near-death state. Unfortunately, that’s not the only make-up of disordered eating. Sometimes it’s the obsessed dieter or the person who works out all the time with an anxiety that can’t be calmed. Other times, like with myself, it’s a person who looks healthy and eats healthy and is super knowledgeable about nutrition and exercise, but can’t seem to do enough, to feel enough, to be enough in her (or his) own skin.

I’ve asked Cheryl of “Happy is the New Healthy” for permission to reprint her blog post entitled: Food for Thought: Let’s Talk… What an Eating Disorder Looks Like and When to Speak Up. Her words resonated with me deeply and I wanted to share them with you! I look forward to any comments, questions or thoughts you might have.

I want to start things off here with a bit of a story–a snippet of my story, to be specific.

When I look back on the time I spent struggling with my eating disorder, I can think of a few “rock bottom” periods. One of those was Christmas break of my second year at university. I binged and purged nearly every day of the break, sometimes multiple times a day. I worked out for at least an hour, sometimes two, every day over the break–I even remember waking up early on Christmas to get a run on the treadmill in while my family was sleeping.

But I looked “healthy.” I weighed ~160lbs (the same amount as I do now, for the record) and according to my BMI, I was overweight and had weight to lose. According to the voice in my head (Ed was screaming), I needed to lose it–yesterday.

yes, that’s my butt. It was my 20th birthday. forgive me.
I don’t think people looked at me and thought “eating disorder” even though I was totally consumed with exercising, obsessing over what I was eating, bingeing, and purging and then doing it all over again. Like I said, this was one of my rock bottom moments.

My point there is that you really cannot judge an eating disorder book by its cover. Assuming that if someone is struggling, you’ll be able to tell by looking at them is misguided at best. Eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes, suck regardless of whether or not they meet “official criteria” or fit into a box of anorexia, bulimia, or EDNOS, and are all serious. I can remember not thinking I had a real problem because I wasn’t skinny enough to meet the criteria and feeling like I had to convince my doctor and the people around me that I was going through something serious–because I didn’t feel like I looked the part.

Even if someone is overweight or obese, if their habits are disordered, that’s the issue–not their weight. It can be easy for someone who is on a weight loss journey to have justifiably f*cked up relationships with food and/or exercise when we are so busy focusing on fixing the weight problem instead of building healthy habits that will therefore lead to a healthy weight. Weight loss at all costs and getting fixated on a number without giving serious consideration to the means by which a person gets to that goal number misses the point. No wonder there are so many weight loss successes who regain all the weight, plus more. No wonder there are so many miserable newly thin people. No wonder eating disorders are everywhere.

Getting your mind sorted out–in terms of how you think about food, about exercise, about your body and about yourself–isn’t the sexy “get in shape fast” or “bikini body by Friday” kind of crap that we’re sold and that it’s so easy to get caught up in, but it is the recipe for long term happiness, health, and sanity. If you have a healthy mindset, you will get to a healthy weight. If you don’t sort this stuff out, you’re doomed to ride the diet and weight loss rollercoaster forever more. If you’re not willing to do the hard work to shift your thoughts and your beliefs, you’ll be just as unhappy regardless of where your weight falls: disordered is disordered, no matter what kind of a package it comes in.

Now that that’s off my chest, I can get to the real reason behind this post: a couple of tough conversations and some thinking about what’s the right thing to do when you’re concerned about someone who may or may not be struggling with disordered eating, whether because of how they look (not the only indication, as I pointed out above) or because of the things they say (regarding food, exercise, their bodies, weight loss, whatever).

Since it’s not easy to tell, this is automatically a touchy subject. It’s also really easy to piss someone off and/or to feed an obsession. If you comment on how small someone obsessed with getting small is getting, even if you mean it out of a “I’m scared for your life” kind of place, it can be a celebration of them achieving their goal and can reinforce their unhealthy habits and thinking. If someone isn’t ready for it, your comment can wreck a relationship.

But it can save a life.

I make my decisions off of this: I stand for health and for happiness. For everyone.  

The conversations I mentioned both touched on the issue of a person not being underweight or looking sick, hence the rant that started this post off.

In response to that and whether or not having that crucial conversation that could save a life is appropriate if someone isn’t visibly disordered or is even overweight, I say it’s not just appropriate, it’s essential.

No one deserves to have an eating disorder. Whether you’re 20lbs overweight or 20lbs underweight or right at that weight that someone or something tells you is ideal, health and happiness require a healthy mindset. I say screw the scale, screw the criteria, screw the ideal. What’s important? What you’re doing, how you’re thinking, and how you’re feeling and functioning. If these things aren’t what you’re focused on making as healthy as possible, something needs to change.

So what do you say to that person? How do you address it without supporting bad behaviours or pissing someone off?

My advice: speak from the heart and be as honest as possible.

The conversation could still go poorly, but what do you give up if you don’t enter the conversation? What are you not honouring if you keep quiet?

If you stand for your friendship, you’ll have that conversation.

If you stand for health and happiness, you’ll have that conversation.

I remember vividly two conversations–one with a friend, and one with my sister–that left me upset. I sometimes wonder if other people who knew what was going on (I don’t think I was hiding it seamlessly) held back for whatever reason–whether because I didn’t look the part or they were scared of making me mad. The conversations that I did may have upset me but they also indicated to me that I mattered and people cared about me. 

The sooner we’re willing to talk about this–and to get busy focusing on a new solution, the better. I’m sick of eating disorders, especially the socially acceptable ones. Let’s get back to what’s important and start taking care of ourselves, regardless of what we weigh. 

have you ever brought up a concern with someone around an eating disorder? how did it go?
has anyone ever brought up a concern with you? what was it like?

     If you want to read more about Cheryl and her Happy is the New Healthy blog, please visit her here: http://happyisthenewhealthy.com/

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Healing Yourself by Rewriting Your Story

     I’m a carefree woman. I love to laugh, sing, eat, play, cook, dance and make memories. I haven’t always been this person, though. And while I love my life, I have deep sadness for what I have been through.

Can I tell you a piece of my story? Without boring you with the year-by-year play-by-play, I’ll sum it up like this: From the time I was a teenager I had hang-ups about my weight. Not so strange for a teenager, you say. Not so weird for a girl, especially, right? It only got worse. Those hang-ups became motivating factors for these games I would play with myself; games that ultimately would lead me to lose weight (ah, the end justifies the means…). Whether calorie-counting, exercise-purging, starvation or other neurotic eating habits, I mastered the latest obsession with my Type-A personality and perfectionism by my side. I’ve been 98 pounds as an adult. I’ve also been 150 pounds as an adult. My roller coaster consumed me. My control soothed me. Can you relate? I promise you: dieting is not your friend.

I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that I’m not her anymore. What a relief! My sense of self was completely wrapped up in my weight, my looks, my size. How much energy I wasted on controlling my every move, bite, calorie and pound! Now, things are different and I’m thankful every day for the freedom I experience. I don’t own a scale. I am not concerned with the size of my clothes. I don’t count calories or fat grams or carbohydrates. I don’t restrict anything! I don’t work out like my life depends on it. In fact, I don’t work out at all. That sounds like too much work to me. I’m thin, active, healthy and vibrant. I’m living, not striving.

I wish I could give you a formula for what changed, but I can’t. It’s different for everyone, although I’ve pin-pointed a few key factors. I’ve learned how to eat intuitively. What I want. When I want it. I’ve learned to not eat if I’m not hungry. I’ve learned which foods agree with me and make me feel my best and which don’t serve me well at all. I’ve learned to find purpose and meaning in things far more incredible than food, weight, weight-loss and exercise. Sound good? Please, contact me if you want to know more. My program is unique, life changing and empowering. Honest.

All of this would mean nothing if I hadn’t learned the power of a story. My story. Stories others tell about me. Stories the world tells about beauty, women, sex-appeal and love. Stories are everything. If you think about it, really think about it, everything you believe is a story. What stories revolve around you, your health, your life, your purpose, your worth and your beauty? Think of facts that you know to be facts and then ask yourself how you know them to be true… it’s mind-boggling. Using narratives in healing is a way of looking inside a person to find out what their body and mind think about their illness, health, and life. Stories run deep in our body’s cellular understanding, so it makes sense that we would be operating under the rules that our particular narrative is providing for us in any given situation.

In order to experience these transformations, I had to experience deep healing. Healing is really a way of viewing a situation from a larger perspective that allows for growth where once we saw only stagnation, illness, disease, or death. When I refer to healing, I am not talking about a miraculous recovery from a disease, though this is possible; nor am I speaking about a cure. I am referring instead to the delicate balance of appreciation for life, living life to the fullest, and considering one’s purpose, as well as the purpose of whatever challenge one is facing. Change and healing lead to transformation and are journeys, not destinations. They are processes of growth to aid us in living lives of quality and depth. Change is never permanent and healing is not a cure. With these concepts in mind, consider how much hope is restored when we are no longer looking for a specific outcome but are focused on the power of the process, knowing that healing is inevitable.

Change asks us to aim for the healing, not the cure, to live for the journey, not the elusive destination. There is a huge difference between healing and cures, journeys and destinations; it is an issue of quality. Taking a journey can be likened to an adventure, one that is filled with mystery and purpose. Change is such a journey.

I’d love to hear about the changes you want to experience, the journeys you want to take. I’ll also be thinking about the changes I am trying to embody myself; changes that will redefine who I am and how I live. I love how endless the possibilities are, don’t you?