I really keep meaning to write about nutrition, supplements, and health. I have so many posts I’ve started about lemon water, meal-planning on a budget and more recipes. However, my heart is leading me elsewhere and so I follow.
I say this is “Healing Disordered Eating, Part 1” because I believe there will be many more posts on this subject because disordered eating is thick and deep and intense, as are we. So, where should we start?
The first step to healing, the one that I had the hardest time taking, is kindness. Yup, kindness. To start with, kindness for oneself is so challenging and yet, isn’t it said that you can’t love others until you love yourself? I have to disagree. I have loved and continue to love deeply, though at times I have not loved myself. Let it be said, though, that as I have learned to be kind to myself, my love for others flows more freely and without obstacles. So, perhaps it should be said, you can’t love others freely until you are freely loving yourself.
I wish it was as easy as saying, “Be kind to yourself” and then we could move on, but it’s not. It’s a daily, hourly, by-the-minute practice. It takes conscious effort until it becomes your unconscious norm. Kind thoughts, kind feelings, kind words, kind actions…. Where, oh where do we start?
Let’s get one thing straight: Mean people suck. It’s true. They leave such a bad taste in your mouth and perhaps a PTSD feeling whenever you think about encounters you’ve had with them. I’ve been hurt so badly by people I’ve trusted and by complete strangers. These encounters are not easily forgotten. They shape our view of the world. Words can hurt. Period. I’m sure I’ve hurt many people as well and I am sorry that there have been times I was a “mean person”, or acted meanly. I’ve been most hurtful to myself. Perhaps you have too.
I hear stories about bullying and I cringe. How can people be so cruel? Of course this kind of cruelty is not just small town, schoolyard drama; people are fighting on social media, bullying on blogs, and just being violent and hateful in general. And so it spreads to a national and global level that makes me scared for my children, for all children. And then it just makes me angry.
Before my anxiety and frustration can run rampant, I have to bring it home and I invite you to do the same. Start with yourself. Affirmations go a LONG way. (A quick aside: I practiced an affirmation every day for a few months that stated, “I run five miles effortlessly.” At the time I started the affirmation, I was walking and jogging two to three miles every other day. A couple months in, I truly was running five miles and it was effortless. Making a long story short, it worked!) When a negative thought comes into your mind, try adding, “And I love myself.” Or say, “I am loveable.” Because you are. I know it. Some affirmations to try are the following: “I eat when I’m hungry. I stop when I’m full.” “I am beautiful, healthy and strong.” “I am kind to myself.” “I take care of myself.”
Be nice. To yourself, to others, to all. I don’t have all the answers to the cruelty that exists in the world, but I know it starts somewhere deep within, some kind of wound that festers and breeds all kinds of ugliness. So heal it. Heal deep down inside, the places that you don’t want people to see and the places that cause you to lash out at others when they get too close. The insecurities. The failures. The “I’m not good enough’s”. Speak kind words into those places.
I’m sorry if you thought this was going to be a step-by-step posting on how to cure your roller-coaster dieting or your binge eating struggles. I wish I could give that to you, but it starts deep within. It starts with kindness. That first, giant step is one that will lead you on a path of complete healing. I can almost guarantee it. When you eat something you think is “bad”, try saying, “I ate this and I am still loveable.” Step off the scale and step into your life because it’s moving forward and you deserve to live it. Stop agonizing over it. Stop bullying yourself. This kindness that your spirit so desperately needs is waiting for you. Speak it. Find it. Feel it. If you want off the roller-coaster and you want to feel comfortable in your own skin again, the exit, the starting line, the journey, and the destination are all at the same place: Here. Now.
I do offer intuitive eating coaching sessions and will continue to post Parts 2, 3, 4 and however many I come up with for this subject of disordered eating that is so near and dear to my heart. For now though, practice kindness.
