H. Pylori, Holistic Tendencies, and the Journey….

How does a holistic nutrition coach handle being diagnosed with H. Pylori? Well, I’ll tell you…. if you feel like joining me on this journey. 

If you don’t know by now, I firmly believe that gut health has EVERYTHING to do with psychological health since MOST of our neurotransmitters are in our GUT. They call the stomach “the first brain”. So in order to heal the “brain” (wherever you believe it is) you must start with the gut. 

I can’t believe I didn’t have stool tests done at all over the last 4 years. I’ve been on this scary journey that started with antibiotics and panic attackseventually leading to candida diets and MTHFR protocols. (Please click on the links to these blog posts to see where I’ve already been….) I’ve learned so much! I’ve tried to share pieces of that with all of you. I don’t want my experiences to be in vain. Please, please learn from me!

Here is my journey: 

So, here I am, early 2018, embarking on digestive issues that resemble the trash can diagnosis of IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). Since I don’t really believe in IBS, I had to wonder what was happening. Alongside these lovely experiences, my anxiety was increasing in severity and frequency again. I kept looking for reasons, trying probiotics, drinking clay, changing my diet to a more Paleo, low-carb diet, increasing exercise, decreasing wine, and on and on and on. (I am nothing if not persistent and dedicated to my health!) 

After a long month of ridiculous amounts of stress, I arrived alone, at my kitchen counter, in a puddle of tears. I shared my concerns and fears with a few close friends and my husband. I was positive I had internal bleeding. My stools were not what they should be (black, tarry, sticky, very frequent) and Dr. Google let me know it could be colon cancer. Everyone encouraged me to get checked out, though with digestive and panic issues, how exactly was I going to get through an appointment? It didn’t really matter how because my husband made sure I had an appointment first thing the next morning. 

I survived that appointment. I still don’t really know how, but the mind is a powerful thing. I drove home with bags of containers and a bucket. Do you need those gory details? Let’s just say I was desperate to have a bowel movement large enough to fill all the containers. And with some really good coffee and conversation, I was able to meet my requirements on a Thursday which meant my stool samples could get in the FedEx box for the distance lab and to the local lab before the weekend. I was so thrilled to have that behind me. (haha, behind me…..)

During the appointment, we talked about SIBO Small Intestinal Bowel Overgrowth and how that is responsible for most IBS diagnoses. (If you have been diagnosed with IBS or suspect you have it, please get tested!) Treatment is directly related to the bacteria that is overgrown and once treated, health resumes. That was an exciting possibility for me!

As early as Friday afternoon I got my first negative test result. Ok, ok, I can handle that – I don’t want EVERYTHING, just SOMETHING. With a diagnosis, I can find a treatment. With a treatment, I can find a cure. With a cure, I can work on re-wiring my brain to not choose anxiety first! So, I went through a whole weekend wondering when the results would pour in. I had burning stomach sensations, anxiety, discomfort, nausea…. Whenever I would feel good, I would think it was over, maybe it was just a bug. But it would inevitably return. 

On Monday morning, taking my big girls to school, my husband called and I said, “You’re on speaker in the car with the kids!” And he said, “Oh, you haven’t dropped them off yet? Call me back when you do.”

Ohhhhh-kayyyy, my oldest daughter was super nervous about why he had called. I assured her everything was fine, but I wondered too, why he had called and why he couldn’t say what he needed to say over the phone in front of the kids. Dr. Google’s diagnosis taunted me from somewhere in the recesses of my brain, but I pushed it aside, dropped off my girls and called him back on my way home. 

He handed me off to my Nurse Practitioner, who I adore, but who I didn’t know I’d be speaking with right then! I tried to pay as close attention as possible while my toddler babbled about stop signs in the backseat. She told me one of my tests came back as positive for H. Pylori. 

Oh. 

I know that one. That’s the type of bacteria they take the time to teach you about in grad school because it’s so aggressive, it’s so challenging to treat and it requires antibiotics. ANTIBIOTICSI’ve been avoiding them since 2014. How was I going to do this? And before you mention that you can treat H. Pylori without them, I know. I’ve read Dr. Axe’s website, too. But when you’re suffering the way I’ve suffered, potentially off and on for years? You want a cure. Not a bunch of possibilities. So, I committed myself to doing everything she told me to do. 

Ever so thorough, she checked my allergies, my previous prescriptions, my reactions, my sensitivities, and my concerns. And then she unfolded the protocol, which I began that morning. I had to make a chart to figure out how to squeeze it all into one day. 

Can you see my dilemma here? Empty stomach. Before eating. With food. No dairy. No alcohol. It’s all over the place! The first thing I did was get permission to take the Tetracycline with food. (I don’t do ANYTHING on an empty stomach except my MTHFR vitamin B protocol in the morning.) So that meant for 3 of these medications I could do them at breakfast, lunch, afternoon, and dinner. The twice daily one, I decided on breakfast and dinner. I’d worked out a plan and wrote up a chart. I could squeeze my daily kefir in mid-morning so the calcium wouldn’t interact with the Tetracycline. I also took my NP’s advice and ordered the probiotic she recommended: MegaFlora – see below for affiliate link.

I didn’t have to think about taking the probiotic yet because I ordered it on Amazon. Thank God. Probiotics had not gone well for me over the last few months. But I assured my NP that I would try again. I would do anything to make this better! 

So if you review the protocol, you’ll see that’s 14 pills a day. That’s a LOT of pills! Especially for someone who doesn’t take pills ever…. Plus I take 2 vitamin B’s in the morning. 2 fish oils, a phosphetidylcholine and vitamin D3 drops with lunch… so now we’re up to 19 pills and D drops! I thought maybe I’d take a break from the vitamins, except the B’s while I did this 14 day protocol. 

Day 1: Monday was overwhelming. I made my chart. I took my pills. As much as I tried not to think about it, it was all I could think about. I felt so gross. I was scared of side effects or reactions. I didn’t know what to expect. I thought I was going to throw up at any given time of day, but I begged myself not to because then I’d have to start over! I was messaging my husband so many questions, including could I take clay or charcoal or aloe if I needed to? The answer was no to the clay and charcoal, but yes to the aloe, so there was that. I felt like there wasn’t much I could do if I started feeling bad. My go-to’s were gone. 

Day 2: On Tuesday, I felt gross. Still. Again. Nausea made eating a challenge but eating was required to continue the protocol. Late morning, I noticed I was scratching my head and neck. A lot. I texted my husband who immediately called me. Hives? No. Rash? No. Red? Only from scratching. But what if? I could feel panic rising up in me. I’d had an allergic reaction to antibiotics in the past and it was so scary and here I was sitting by the fire, working, while my 2 year old ran around. What would I do if I had a reaction now? The day dragged on with all this fear. He consulted with my NP and they added milk thistle twice daily, lemon water, and cooked garlic to my regimen to aid with detoxification. Plus, she wanted me to make sure I was still taking my fish oils. Ugh. 

If you’re keeping track, that comes to 14 prescription meds, 2 fish oils, 2 vitamin B’s, 2 milk thistle caps, and guess what? The probiotic arrived that afternoon. I decided to take that before bed so it wouldn’t interfere with anything else. That’s 21…. TWENTY-ONE pills a day. For 14…. FOURTEEN days. 

Don’t get me wrong. It could be worse. It could be Dr. Google’s diagnosis. It could be untreatable. It could be undiagnosed issues. Here I am with a diagnosis, a treatment plan, and hopefully a cure at the end of 2 weeks. I don’t mean to complain. I am aware that things could be so much worse. Still, when you’re in it, you’re in it. 

I spent the day edgy about the itching, praying against any allergic reactions, trying not to worry, and playing the Bachelor in the background for distraction (Did anyone else think that was a horrible season?). I was nauseous and exhausted. Dizziness and fatigue would hit me after every round I took, but I wasn’t giving up unless I had an allergic reaction, because starting over sounded too scary. 

Can I share a silver lining here? Rest. Resting on the couch because I was too nauseous to do anything else at times, I had so much time with my family. My toddler would snuggle and play next to me (when he wasn’t destroying the house and pulling board games and DVD’s off the shelf). My girls sat with me, snuggled and chatted with me in the evening. After bed time routines were completed, my husband and I just snuggled and talked on the couch. That quality time felt precious. It felt important. I welcomed that gift in the middle of the cursed diagnosis-treatment cycle. 

That night I encountered insomnia, a terrible taste in my mouth (probiotic? side effect of meds?), and nausea. I started crying when the alarm went off.

“I’ll talk to her,” my husband said.

“No! Don’t!” I said. “I don’t want her to think I’m a crybaby. If it’s not urgent, don’t tell her. I’m just tired. So tired.”

​And so began Wednesday. Day 3

Surprisingly, for me, the day got better! I was tired from the night before, but I didn’t feel super itchy or super anxious. I was in the bathroom a LOT more but I told myself those evil bacteria were leaving my system. I even got up the courage to go the library with my toddler. I felt brave and capable. I started cooking dinner before noon because I didn’t want to waste the good feelings. 

Day 4: This day was pretty mellow and predictable as well. I could tell when the queasy feelings were coming and I rolled with them. That night though, I could not sleep well. I felt restless and uncomfortable. 

Day 5: I think I went to the bathroom 14 times. Before noon. Seriously, you’re reading a post about H. Pylori. You can’t be surprised there’s bathroom talk, right? It was crazy. I didn’t feel sick. I just kept going. I had this feeling like I was just going to make it and it was going to be ok. I felt itchy feelings still, but they weren’t terrible. The roof of my mouth itched and my throat felt prickly, but I hoped that was just the winter cold germs that my kids abound with. 

Day 6: We had a lot to do on this day; a Saturday with a family of 5 is never boring! One child had a friend over the night before for a sleepover. We had a mid-morning event to go to. Another child needed a haircut. And our friends, a family of 6, were coming to stay with us that night. I also had the worst headache of my entire life. I’m not kidding you. I’m not a “I have a headache” type of person. It rarely happens. But on this busy, family-oriented day, I was consumed by this pressure and pain. Again, I kept going, taking these pills every few hours, drinking water, eating as healthily as I could. Eventually, I just had to take a nap. The pressure was like a wide headband was on my head and something else, on the bridge of my nose. Pressure. Deep constant pressure. I wondered if that’s what a migraine felt like? Everything made it worse. I spent most of the afternoon in bed just feeling the discomfort. More detox? I may never know. That evening I noticed bumps on my back. Some looked like bug bites (my husband thought maybe a bug was in my sweater) and some looked like pimples. By the end of the night I had a lower back covered in what looked like pimples. My back had been clear that morning. I pushed down the panic rising up and googled symptoms of H. Pylori treatments. Acne is one of them. I told myself, “It’s acne”, and I went to bed. 

Day 7: We spent the day with our friends and I felt really good for the most part. Grocery shopping, visiting, eating meals… it all seemed pretty easy. But again, in the evening, I felt the itchiness return. I showered and when I got out, I had puffy red spot all over my back, some on my stomach, and a few on my neck. It was hard not to panic. 

I sat on the couch that evening feeling foggy-headed. I felt pretty panicky and it seemed like I couldn’t get enough oxygen into my head. I still had some pressure in my head and a gross feeling in my throat. I was hoping I wasn’t getting the cold that my daughters both had and I rubbed Eucalyptus oil on me to help with breathing, but I couldn’t find relief. 

It has been years since I’ve felt that helpless. Or hopeless. I laid in bed that night crying to my husband that I just wanted to be unconscious. This is not living. It’s suffering. I slept hard that night. 

Day 8: I had made it through a WHOLE WEEK! Yes, the night before was brutal, but I was okay, wasn’t I? I made it through the night. The red bumps went down to the pimple-looking things again and it was snowing. Okay, snow has very little to do with how I was feeling, but it sure was pretty to watch. And the kids stayed home, which was so wonderful. I held myself together that morning, waiting to hear from my NP. When one of her nurses called, I braced myself for what they would say. My anxiety was through the roof, which I believe firmly was physiologically induced but mentally triggered. She suggested I try Benadryl when my husband was home, in the evening when the itching was most noticeable and we would see what happened. 

That night, I sat on the couch assessing myself. I was calm, crocheting, a little depressed and beaten down by this whole thing and feeling helpless still. I could feel a little itchiness in different spot all over my body and a tingling at the base of my skull, like that pressure-oxygen-thing was building back up. My husband thought it was a good time to take the Benadryl to see if it would help. I continued sitting and crocheting for an hour but I never felt a change. Normally, I would be knocked out by Benadryl, but I didn’t even feel tired. The queasiness in my stomach had abated, which was a relief, but the itches remained. I had a stuffy feeling in my head, but not a crazy, panicky, I-can’t-breathe-feeling. My throat stopped hurting, thankfully! I went to bed, more confused than ever. If this was a histamine reaction, wouldn’t the Benadryl have stopped it? Why didn’t the Benadryl knock me out? Why was I still itchy? All I could do was wait til the morning.

Day 9: I started the day as I normally would: breakfast, medicine, packing lunches. I felt pretty nauseous and also like I had a head cold, scratchy throat, stuffy nose, etc. When the nurse called, I felt the panic rise up in me. My stomach turned. I told her the results of our experiment and she said she thought my NP would start backing me off of the antibiotics. I hung up the phone and ran to the bathroom (thank you very much anxiety). I felt like I’d never be able to go to an appointment again, to sit in a room and deal with anything again. I felt defeated, like a shell of myself. How could I function normally, if anything out of the ordinary made me panic? 

As I waited to hear from them, I took one child to school, (another was home sick), went to the library for books for the kids, and came home for lunch and meds. I felt defeated. What if, by cutting back on the antibiotics, this whole process was drawn out even longer? What if I didn’t get better after all? What if all of this was for nothing and I was worse off than before? 

I spoke to another nurse right before lunch and she said to stop the Tetracycline immediately. Since the Benadryl did not reduce the itching, they wanted to make sure that I wouldn’t have anaphylaxis. I guess there’s really no way to know if that’s what I was heading toward or not. I asked if this would prevent or slow down my recovery and she said maybe a little, but hopefully not. 

I tried to boost myself back up. I had completed 8 days. Some do triple therapy for 7 days with a 79% success rate. I did quadruple therapy for 8 days. That has to count for something. There had to be a light at the end of this tunnel. I left the Tetracycline out when I prepared my lunch medications. I made a note on my chart and hoped this would be a turning point. 

When I went to bed that night I had a full blown head cold (remember that kid who stayed home sick?). I put a cold wet cloth on my head to help my sinus inflammation and I went to sleep. 

In the middle of the night, our other daughter got up throwing up. By 5 a.m., I had her GI bug too. I couldn’t make this nightmare up if I tried. I spent Day 10 in the bathroom, trying to eat 4 times during the day in order to take my meds, knowing it wasn’t going to stay in my system long. It was an awful sickness and I was in tears, rocking in bed with nausea, missing time with my friend who was in town for a visit, and unable to care for myself or my family. 

When I woke up on Day 11, I felt the GI bug was gone. I could sense that my body was stronger and less nauseous. I took a relieved breath and got up to start the day. Being very weak and fatigued from the illness, I asked my husband for help with the kids and I spent half of the day in bed. By midday, I was feeling better and moved to the couch. I showered and knew that tomorrow was going to be even better. 

I was a little surprised to experience nausea on Day 12. I thought I’d be over it by then, but it wasn’t a GI bug nausea, it was different. I also felt my anxiety was on overdrive. I was shaking and crying to my husband that I couldn’t keep living this way. I spent the day on the couch eating when I needed to take medication and crocheting while my 2 year old son destroyed the house around me. By the afternoon, my back hurt really bad, right in the center, between my shoulder blades and a little farther down. Nothing I did could relieve it. So, I ate a banana and felt a bit of relief. I figured it was acid for some reason and I put a call in to the nurse to see if taking antacids was allowable. Of course it was a Friday and my NP was out and we were headed into a weekend…. I mean what could go wrong? 

Antacids were approved. I tried to make it through dinner but the back pain, heartburn feelings and nausea were steadily creeping up on me. I begged my husband to go get me some Tums so maybe I could find relief. He did and then asked if I needed to go to the emergency room. 

“I don’t trust them!” I cried. “They won’t understand the protocol I’ve been on or what could be happening! Last time you went, you probably had an ulcer and they gave you a prescription for Cipro (only the deadliest antibiotic out there) and told you to take an anti-diarrheal. They would kill me!” 

I begged him to cross a professional line and contact my NP. Begged. He did. She said she thought I was having a gastric flare up, which can happen with the antibiotic Metronidazole. At this point, I wasn’t convinced that I wouldn’t die. The pain, burning and nausea was intermingled with racing heart, icy chest, sweating and chills. I was in the most horrific panic cycle I’d ever experienced and I didn’t see a way out. She advised that I stop the Metronidazole (which I’d already taken my last dose of the day for) and said I could take a Tums every 15 minutes, but not to exceed 6. She said to take another Omeprazole (a PPI) and continue to take 2 in the morning and 2 in the evening instead of 1. My husband made me a warm cup of water with ACV (apple cider vinegar) and honey in it.

I did everything I was told. I even added Benadryl to the mix in the hopes it would help me sleep at least. Eventually, I found a restless sleep that got me through the night, but when I awoke, I was back in my nightmare. Shaking. Sweating. Nausea. Racing heart. Burning stomach. Icy chest. Chills. I wondered again if I would die. Hello, Day 13

One of my best friends had texted. She was leaving after being in town for a week. She was coming by to return our Pack-N-Play and I wasn’t in a position to see her. I was heartbroken. I cried. 

My husband took over for me that day while I wrestled with panic demons and death fears. I begged him yet again to contact my NP. I felt like I was going to die. I told him I would go to the ER if she thought I should. She didn’t (thank God). She actually advised that I start drinking bone broth and she called in a prescription for anti-nausea medication. 

I would do anything to avoid the hospital, and death. I drank cup after cup of broth. I found moments where I didn’t feel anything. I had forgotten what that felt like. I began to feel like I would live. I couldn’t eat. I was incredibly weak. But I knew I was going to live. It was the scariest 24 hours of my life. It was worse than childbirth. The unknown taunted me and the thought that it wouldn’t end was absolute torture. 

I cried so many tears that day. My husband, frantically doing both of our jobs, juggling our children, the household needs, meals, dishes, and my bone broth needs was frantic. I wanted to hug him, to help him, to get up and join him, but I couldn’t. I was too busy trying not to succumb to yet another panic attack. My children made me notes and cards, they came to visit and talk, but I was too tired, too weak, too nauseous and too anxious to participate in anything with them and it broke my heart. I hugged them when I could. Smiled when I couldn’t. 

I didn’t end up taking the anti-nausea med (Zofran). I couldn’t risk any other complications, side effects or challenges. I did drink quarts of bone broth. Lucky for us, we had just cooked up a batch (we cook it for 3 days) and it was ready to be consumed. 

The nausea and anxiety cycle was like being out in an ocean where I couldn’t see land. I could see impending waves and when they would begin to rise up it took every ounce of concentration to stay on top of them. I could not risk letting them wash over me, sending me underwater, unable to breathe, tossed about and disoriented. I would feel the icy chill in my chest and my heart begin to race and I would close my eyes. Surviving each attack meant staying on top of the wave with my breathing, with my visualization, with focusing on all 5 senses to make sure I stayed grounded and did not get lost. 

So, when I started Day 14 of a 14 day protocol, I did so knowing I was off of all antibiotics (so, was I still on a protocol?). I took double amounts of Omeprazole and continued with the Pink Bismuth. I ate a little food and continued consuming bone broth. I moved myself to the living room where I could be near my family again and I hoped. I hoped for healing. I hoped for recovery. I hoped for complete deliverance of the pain and nausea. 

That’s my 14-day journey. It didn’t actually have a happy ending, did it? It didn’t really have an ending at all! 

Here’s what I know: When I communicated with my NP, we had received my other stool sample results and I have SIBO. I also didn’t finish the H. Pylori protocol so that could be affecting me too. My decision was to start treatment for SIBO which includes herbal antibiotics and a strict diet called SCD (specific carbohydrate diet). The supplement formula I decided to go with is Metagenics (affiliate link below). According to the SIBO website, I will take 2 caps of each formula twice a day. 

? Stool Tests… Why Don’t We Test Poop? 

This question has haunted me throughout this experience. Why didn’t anyone test my poop over the last 4 years? I obviously had an experience where I took an antibiotic and began having panic attacks. I self-diagnosed myself with Candida and tried to treat it myself. It didn’t go well and I went to a Naturopath and did a huge blood work up, but no poop test. I spent 2015 and 2016 trying to maintain the health I had achieved with the Naturopath but I still wasn’t 100%. I got pregnant and had a baby. I pursued MTHFR treatment and found a greater degree of peace, but still not 100%. Throughout all of this, no one did a stool test. I actually wish I’d asked. I think I’ve been so tired of not feeling well, that I just kept hoping the right doctor would figure it all out and fix it. It took me getting this sick (internal-bleeding-kind-of-sick) before stool tests were on the table. 

This is the test that was sent out via FedEx. It’s so comprehensive. Very impressive. Just read about it and tell me you’re going to insist on testing yourself through your practitioner. Or tell me to become a practitioner and I’ll order tests for you. Because this is IMPORTANT stuff! Genova Diagnostics. 

Lesson? Ask for stool tests. If you have digestive OR psychological challenges, get a comprehensive panel of your stool. Find out if there’s an imbalance of any kind of bacteria that you can address to achieve optimal health! Check for SIBO, H. Pylori and parasites. You’re worth it. 

Treating SIBO (aka, IBS or other digestive challenges)

Have you been diagnosed with IBS? Do you think that’s just a diagnosis like the common cold or celiac disease and you just have to deal with it? Do you think treating your symptoms is the best option, or would you rather find the root cause and eliminate it? 

Your answers to these questions might be different than mine. I’ve always struggled with digestive challenges and relatedly, anxiety and depression. You might be surprised to find that anxiety and depression are related to digestive troubles (as are the immune system and hormones). Since they all live in the same place: the GUT, they tend to affect each other. 

One of the first questions I’m asked lately is, “How did you know you had SIBO?” Short answer: I didn’t. I thought I had internal bleeding, cancer, or an ulcer. Or all of the above. I shook as I explained my symptoms to my friends, my husband and eventually my NP. I was flooded with relief when I heard that, most likely, I had a gut issue that could be resolved.

I’ve never been diagnosed with IBS. I know many people have. If I went to a GI doctor and described my digestion, I probably WOULD have been diagnosed! I just know what’s not normal. While I am familiar with sluggish bowels and anxiety-induced diarrhea or traveler’s constipation, I know that it’s normal to have a bowel movement every day. And I know that bowel movements should be formed, not liquid or hard as a rock. Thankfully, Dr. Oz has normalized the conversation about bowel movements, right? You wouldn’t be reading this if you weren’t ready to think about it and talk about it. Your toilet can tell you a lot if you pay attention. 

So, I knew something was wrong. My anxiety was so high and I was either regular, constipated, or having diarrhea. I never knew from one day to the next what I was going to be dealing with in the bathroom. At some point, that transitioned into horrible bowel movements that resembled what the Internet told me was internal bleeding. This is what led me to my Nurse Practitioner (NP) at an Integrative Health Practice.

My Nurse Practitioner told me I might have SIBO and that it’s relatively easy to remedy, which brought me great relief. My comprehensive stool analysis results took several weeks to return and in that time I was treating the H. Pylori I’d also discovered I had (read that story here). 

Once we confirmed I had SIBO, I launched into action.

Treating SIBO is best accomplished as a two-fold process: diet and supplementation. You may choose different treatment plans, but I’m sharing what I’ve chosen. My first, and most valuable resource, is: SIBO INFO. This is the website my NP recommended to me as having valuable and up-to-date information as well as

successful outcomes. From looking at this website, you’ll see they offer various treatment options. From the Herbal Antibiotics options, I chose Metagenics. My choice was based on reviews on Amazon when I compared the two options. Being so uncomfortable, I was looking for relief and not more side effects. The Amazon reviews offered me hope that the Metagenics supplements could offer me that.

I purchased a bottle of Metagenics Candibactin AR and Metagenics Candibacting BR. See affiliate links below:

CandiBactin BR CandiBactin AR

Yes, I flinched at the cost. Yes, I cringed at the 2 of each twice a day regimen, but I was desperate.

The other part of the treatment involves dietary changes. You’ll see under SIBO INFO’s Diet dropdown menu that there are many diets to choose from. My NP recommended the SCD diet and since it allowed for red wine, I was all in! 

The diet is restrictive. Very restrictive. The only sugar allowed is honey. No maple syrup or coconut sugar. No flours or grains or starches. No sweet potatoes, or mayonnaise (unless it’s homemade), no soy, no corn, etc, etc. I’ve heard many people say, “I could never take on a diet like that.” I’ve also been told that I have such great willpower. But it wasn’t a choice.

There comes a point where you will do anything to not be in pain, or anxiety, or dis-ease. When you reach that point, it doesn’t matter anymore what you want to eat, what matters is what will help you regain your health.

If you’ve followed along this far, then you may be interested in the intricacies of the SCD diet. The best website for information is: Breaking the Vicious Cycle. This website is based on the book that was written to outline and define the SCD diet. As I progressed with research, I’ve met many people who’ve had the SCD diet change their lives. Instagram moms, Facebook group participants, and bloggers all write about the benefits of this diet. 

In the beginning of the treatment, I was still struggling in the mornings with multiple bouts of diarrhea and anxiety. There were days I struggled to make the 10 minute drive to drop the girls off at school. Usually, I would be fine by late morning. I figured I could just live with this, if it was to be the worst of it. As luck would have it though, I went on a 3 day trip with some friends and our kids, to the beach, and I forgot my probiotic. I was so nervous about traveling and I was basically a “maybe” up until the day we left. While we were there, I didn’t have any distress. I used the bathroom once in the morning and felt FINE. It was the probiotic. You see, SIBO is Small Intestinal BACTERIA Overgrowth. So my body did not want any more bacteria. Period. After confirming with my NP, I never took it again! 

The treatment plan I chose was for approximately 4 weeks. At the 4 week mark, I was so nervous. I actually did feel better, with some ups and downs here and there. The road was rough at times with painful bloating, bathroom emergencies, and overall anxiety when I didn’t feel well. I had bone broth or chamomile tea with me most of the time. There was also the adjustment to the SCD diet, which I hadn’t thought would be too difficult after being fairly low-carb, Paleo-esque for months already. But when Easter and Passover came around and everyone was enjoying the food associated with these holidays, I struggled with sadness. The emotional attachment to the enjoyment of food is not to be taken lightly! 

Still, after 4 weeks, I could tell that on a scale of 1-10 I was an 8 or a 9 some days. I wasn’t on the verge of a panic attack. I wasn’t in the bathroom multiple times a morning. I had become regular, like clockwork, and felt stronger than I had in months. The few symptoms I did have and my fear of not doing everything right, prompted me to do a SIBO Breath Test from Genova Diagnositcs. 

My results were negative. I was SIBO free! After I exhaled and did a happy dance and sent messages to all my loved ones, I asked what now? Do I just stop everything? I knew from my research that I needed a prokinetic (a supplement to keep my intestines mobile, so that nothing gets stuck and grows there). The recurrence rate for SIBO is 70-80% and I did NOT want it to reoccur. 

Again, between my NP and my Amazon reviews research, I settled on a prokinetic. Also, it was agreed that I would only add in one new food a week and then wait a week before changing anything else, to see if I had any reactions to foods. It was like I was side-stepping my way out of a jail cell, hoping not to get caught. The scent of freedom was there, but I couldn’t quite taste it. 

​The prokenetic I chose was Iberogast (see affiliate link below): 

iberogast

As soon as I started Iberogast, I noticed 2 things: 

1) My throat hurt a little. Some kind of reaction was happening and I decided that 20 drops at every meal just wasn’t for me. I did 10 instead. 

2) My stools were NORMAL, healthy, regular, and there were NO symptoms. I’d struck gold! Iberogast would always be in my life! 

During my first week of potential freedom, I relished in the good feelings and planned on eating tortilla chips at dinner Friday night. How I missed the crunch of something. Nothing in SCD diet-land is particularly crunchy, to satisfy that urge. You’d think my first food would’ve been chocolate, but I guess this just showed how far I had come. The chips weren’t even that good, but I enjoyed the crunch immensely. That weekend, I noticed no discomfort or issues. As the days went on, I continued feeling wonderful. 

I decided I should start adding my supplements back in because I want to be my healthiest self. I started with Vitamin D3 and that afternoon I felt a little crampy and bloated, but hoped it was nothing. Four days went by without a bowel movement. I was panicking. I was convinced that SIBO was coming for me with the keys to lock my jail cell again. I felt backed up (pun intended) against a wall and I frantically e-mailed my NP. Repeatedly. 

None of the usual things worked. This wasn’t constipation, this was my body reacting severely to something in the Vitamin D3. I was devastated. I knew that magnesium and Vitamin D3 were very connected so I decided to try the magnesium recommended for SIBO: Magnesium Glycinate (see affiliate link:)

Magnesium Glycinate

Eventually, the blockage ended, but I was so scared of experiencing that again. I started the Magnesium Glycinate, which is supposed to be good for SIBO (and it might be right for YOU!), but it wasn’t for me. Unfortunately, I have this issue with magnesium. When I take it, I get a sore throat and this time was no different, except it was accompanied by nausea, headaches and anxiety. Fabulous. I stopped that on Day 3. 

I also needed to address this prokinetic issue since Iberogast wasn’t ideal for me and I never got back to that wonderful week of normal and healthy bowel movements. I decided to try Triphala. I learned about it from this awesome podcast I listened to (The Science of Success). It’s basically an interview with a neurologist who had migraines and couldn’t cure herself. She ended up at an Ayurvedic Practitioner that educated her (a neurologist!) on how important the gut is for the rest of the body’s health. She discussed Triphala and how valuable it can be for the gut health and a quick Google search showed me that it is often used successfully as a SIBO prokinetic. 

Here is what I got (affiliate link): 

Triphala

Thankfully, this powder has been working well. No sore throat. No nausea. No headaches. And slowly, but surely, leaning towards normal again.

This is a saga. At some point I just have to publish this blog and update you later as I learn more information. Because, the truth is, health is a journey. And SIBO is a very complicated journey. It’s not as simple as “take 3 of these and call me in the morning.” Just because I got a negative breath test, doesn’t mean that everything returned to normal. Kefir didn’t work for me. Magnesium was a no-go. Iberogast was intermittently helpful. Probiotics failed me as well, even the one that’s considered good for SIBO (affiliate link below). 

SIBO Probiotic

My Nurse Practitioner said that I may never be able to handle a probiotic again. The delicate balance in our guts is very complex and there is no “one size fits all” approach to our health! When I see commercials pushing certain supplements, I scoff and say, “Not if you have SIBO!” All bets are off now. 

Here I am, 4 months into this process and I’m still on the SCD diet. I’ve added tiny amounts of homemade chocolate, tortilla chips, and popcorn. It’s nice to have those indulgences sometimes. I also still have mornings where things just aren’t right and I worry, worry that I’ll never have the perfect gut health I used to. It is definitely possible that this will be a lifelong challenge for me. Sometimes that exhausts me. Other times, I think how much I’ve learned because of it.

I named this website At Peace With Health because I understand that the journey is complicated and no matter how challenging it is, my goal is to be at peace with it. This is the only life I get to live and I want to enjoy it and thrive in it. May God give me the grace for myself that I need in order to be at peace with where I am! 

My MTHFR Protocol

I’ve meant to update about MTHFR and my health for so long! I’ve promised it to many and I’m finally sitting down to write it out. I think I arrived at such a better place after it that I forgot to post at all. I guess that’s a pretty good testament to this protocol! 

If you want to know what MTHFR is (and you should, since nearly half of all Americans have it), check out this blog specifically about MTHFR. If you want to follow the journey of discovery and where I came from, see this post about antibiotics & anxiety and this one about Candida and this one about over-methylation.

My discovery of MTHFR began with a bug bite and a prescription that immediately caused panic attacks. It took me months to bounce back from that. I truly believe my discovery of MTHFR helped me to have a successful last pregnancy and a healthy last baby. But I still wasn’t feeling great. 

When I had survived pregnancy, postpartum, baby’s tongue- and lip-ties, and was beginning to feel like a human again, I started to get serious about my symptoms. My most concerning symptom was this undercurrent of jitters. It wasn’t quite like anxiety, but more like a high, fast vibration that I couldn’t subdue. Oh sure, I could self-medicate with wine and I reduced sugar so as not to encourage it, but it was always there. I continued my regimen, but it wasn’t working. 

I met with my NP, who is an expert with MTHFR. She presented me with a protocol that I was nervously excited to begin. She pointed out that my current regimen (which included a Thorne vitamin) was inconsistent for my needs. It was causing my jitters! All throughout my pregnancy and postpartum challenges, my vitamin was actually making things worse. Insert huge sigh here. 

So here is what I did, including affiliate links below. (Purchasing via these links will not affect your price at all, but will contribute a tiny bit to the creation and maintenance of this blog.) 

The First Step:

​I purchased Seeking Health Active B12 5000. Sometimes this isn’t available on Amazon, but I’ve had no problem getting it directly from Seeking Health itself.

I cut a tab in fourths. For one week, I took a quarter of a tab every morning on an empty stomach. I kept careful watch over myself and my jitters. I didn’t feel terrible, but I didn’t feel better either. 

After a week (or maybe 2, because I was scared to increase the dosage), I switched to a half of a tablet. This also seemed to settle pretty well. When you’re hypersensitive to every feeling in your body, thanks to years of anxiety, jitters, and uncertainty, it’s hard to know what’s causing what, but I convinced myself to trust the process. 

The goal is to increase until a dose is uncomfortable and then step back to the previous dose that felt good. I tried off and on for weeks to get to 3/4 of a tablet. I had jitters. I had discomfort. I thought maybe it was a stomach bug one week. Another time I tried, I thought it was PMS messing with me. Or I didn’t get much sleep this week, so that could be it. So many possibilities, but I ended up back at half a tablet every time. 

When I spoke to my NP about it she said it was clear to her that I was a half-er. And that’s ok! I wasn’t necessarily trying to get up to a point of tolerating a whole tablet of B12. I was trying to get up to my perfect dose and for many people a half is just good enough. 

The Next Step: 

Once I was on the dose that worked for me, the next step was to add in Folate. But not just any folate and definitely not folic acid. Methylfolate is the supplement needed since MTHFR prevents my body from being able to break down and absorb folate. I purchased Bluebonnet Earth Sweet Cellular Active Methylfolate 1000 mcg. 

My mornings began with a half of a B12 tablet and a whole methylfolate tablet. And then I waited. Would I feel bad? Would it cause jitters? Would it make things better or worse? 

Let me say that I felt better than I had in years. I felt energized and jitter-free and just so free in my body. I wish I could say that amazing feeling lasted, but I think my body got used to it and the euphoria settled into normalcy. I’m not complaining! I’ll take normal any day. 

I cannot issue medical advice, but I am happy to share my journey and my resources with you. I think this protocol is worth trying if you have or suspect you have MTHFR. MTHFR is SO common and can cause so many issues, including but not limited to: 

  • depression
  • anxiety
  • autism
  • ADHD
  • thyroid disorders
  • autoimmune disorders
  • chronic pain disorders
  • schizophrenia
  • bipolar disorders
  • heart problems
  • fibromyalgia
  • Parkinson’s disease (and other tremor disorders)
  • preeclampsia
  • postpartum depression
  • strokes
  • hormone & fertility problems
  • Alzheimer’s disease
  • migraines

….and many more

If you want to know if you have MTHFR, you can go through your doctor or through 23ndme. If you go through your doctor, you need to ask for both 1298C and 677T, since most doctors will only do 677T. Also, know that your insurance may not cover it. Honestly, it is probably cheaper to use 23andme rather than your insurance. I spent more through insurance getting tested only for MTHFR than I did on one 23andme test that has been able to tell about ALL my genes and gene mutations! Use this link, my personal referral link, to order your 23andme kit and I will help you unlock your raw data to access all your genes and find out if you have MTHFR! https://refer.23andme.com/s/theresasingleton

In peace and health, 
​Theresa

H. Pylori, Holistic Tendencies, and the Journey….

How does a holistic nutrition coach handle being diagnosed with H. Pylori? Well, I’ll tell you…. if you feel like joining me on this journey. 

If you don’t know by now, I firmly believe that gut health has EVERYTHING to do with psychological health since MOST of our neurotransmitters are in our GUT. They call the stomach “the first brain”. So in order to heal the “brain” (wherever you believe it is) you must start with the gut. 

I can’t believe I didn’t have stool tests done at all over the last 4 years. I’ve been on this scary journey that started with antibiotics and panic attackseventually leading to candida diets and MTHFR protocols. (Please click on the links to these blog posts to see where I’ve already been….) I’ve learned so much! I’ve tried to share pieces of that with all of you. I don’t want my experiences to be in vain. Please, please learn from me!

Here is my journey: 

So, here I am, early 2018, embarking on digestive issues that resemble the trash can diagnosis of IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). Since I don’t really believe in IBS, I had to wonder what was happening. Alongside these lovely experiences, my anxiety was increasing in severity and frequency again. I kept looking for reasons, trying probiotics, drinking clay, changing my diet to a more Paleo, low-carb diet, increasing exercise, decreasing wine, and on and on and on. (I am nothing if not persistent and dedicated to my health!) 

After a long month of ridiculous amounts of stress, I arrived alone, at my kitchen counter, in a puddle of tears. I shared my concerns and fears with a few close friends and my husband. I was positive I had internal bleeding. My stools were not what they should be (black, tarry, sticky, very frequent) and Dr. Google let me know it could be colon cancer. Everyone encouraged me to get checked out, though with digestive and panic issues, how exactly was I going to get through an appointment? It didn’t really matter how because my husband made sure I had an appointment first thing the next morning. 

I survived that appointment. I still don’t really know how, but the mind is a powerful thing. I drove home with bags of containers and a bucket. Do you need those gory details? Let’s just say I was desperate to have a bowel movement large enough to fill all the containers. And with some really good coffee and conversation, I was able to meet my requirements on a Thursday which meant my stool samples could get in the FedEx box for the distance lab and to the local lab before the weekend. I was so thrilled to have that behind me. (haha, behind me…..)

During the appointment, we talked about SIBO Small Intestinal Bowel Overgrowth and how that is responsible for most IBS diagnoses. (If you have been diagnosed with IBS or suspect you have it, please get tested!) Treatment is directly related to the bacteria that is overgrown and once treated, health resumes. That was an exciting possibility for me!

As early as Friday afternoon I got my first negative test result. Ok, ok, I can handle that – I don’t want EVERYTHING, just SOMETHING. With a diagnosis, I can find a treatment. With a treatment, I can find a cure. With a cure, I can work on re-wiring my brain to not choose anxiety first! So, I went through a whole weekend wondering when the results would pour in. I had burning stomach sensations, anxiety, discomfort, nausea…. Whenever I would feel good, I would think it was over, maybe it was just a bug. But it would inevitably return. 

On Monday morning, taking my big girls to school, my husband called and I said, “You’re on speaker in the car with the kids!” And he said, “Oh, you haven’t dropped them off yet? Call me back when you do.”

Ohhhhh-kayyyy, my oldest daughter was super nervous about why he had called. I assured her everything was fine, but I wondered too, why he had called and why he couldn’t say what he needed to say over the phone in front of the kids. Dr. Google’s diagnosis taunted me from somewhere in the recesses of my brain, but I pushed it aside, dropped off my girls and called him back on my way home. 

He handed me off to my Nurse Practitioner, who I adore, but who I didn’t know I’d be speaking with right then! I tried to pay as close attention as possible while my toddler babbled about stop signs in the backseat. She told me one of my tests came back as positive for H. Pylori. 

Oh. 

I know that one. That’s the type of bacteria they take the time to teach you about in grad school because it’s so aggressive, it’s so challenging to treat and it requires antibiotics. ANTIBIOTICSI’ve been avoiding them since 2014. How was I going to do this? And before you mention that you can treat H. Pylori without them, I know. I’ve read Dr. Axe’s website, too. But when you’re suffering the way I’ve suffered, potentially off and on for years? You want a cure. Not a bunch of possibilities. So, I committed myself to doing everything she told me to do. 

Ever so thorough, she checked my allergies, my previous prescriptions, my reactions, my sensitivities, and my concerns. And then she unfolded the protocol, which I began that morning. I had to make a chart to figure out how to squeeze it all into one day. 

  • Pink Bismuth (for ulcer) 4 times a day
  • Metronidazole (antibiotic) 4 times a day with food, no alcohol (bye, bye wine)
  • Tetracycline (anitibiotic) 4 times a day with no food, no dairy (what about kefir? and when will my stomach be empty?)
  • Omeprazole (PPI for acid) 2 times a day with plenty of water, before eating

Can you see my dilemma here? Empty stomach. Before eating. With food. No dairy. No alcohol. It’s all over the place! The first thing I did was get permission to take the Tetracycline with food. (I don’t do ANYTHING on an empty stomach except my MTHFR vitamin B protocol in the morning.) So that meant for 3 of these medications I could do them at breakfast, lunch, afternoon, and dinner. The twice daily one, I decided on breakfast and dinner. I’d worked out a plan and wrote up a chart. I could squeeze my daily kefir in mid-morning so the calcium wouldn’t interact with the Tetracycline. I also took my NP’s advice and ordered the probiotic she recommended: MegaFlora – see below for affiliate link.

I didn’t have to think about taking the probiotic yet because I ordered it on Amazon. Thank God. Probiotics had not gone well for me over the last few months. But I assured my NP that I would try again. I would do anything to make this better! 

So if you review the protocol, you’ll see that’s 14 pills a day. That’s a LOT of pills! Especially for someone who doesn’t take pills ever…. Plus I take 2 vitamin B’s in the morning. 2 fish oils, a phosphetidylcholine and vitamin D3 drops with lunch… so now we’re up to 19 pills and D drops! I thought maybe I’d take a break from the vitamins, except the B’s while I did this 14 day protocol. 

Day 1: Monday was overwhelming. I made my chart. I took my pills. As much as I tried not to think about it, it was all I could think about. I felt so gross. I was scared of side effects or reactions. I didn’t know what to expect. I thought I was going to throw up at any given time of day, but I begged myself not to because then I’d have to start over! I was messaging my husband so many questions, including could I take clay or charcoal or aloe if I needed to? The answer was no to the clay and charcoal, but yes to the aloe, so there was that. I felt like there wasn’t much I could do if I started feeling bad. My go-to’s were gone. 

Day 2: On Tuesday, I felt gross. Still. Again. Nausea made eating a challenge but eating was required to continue the protocol. Late morning, I noticed I was scratching my head and neck. A lot. I texted my husband who immediately called me. Hives? No. Rash? No. Red? Only from scratching. But what if? I could feel panic rising up in me. I’d had an allergic reaction to antibiotics in the past and it was so scary and here I was sitting by the fire, working, while my 2 year old ran around. What would I do if I had a reaction now? The day dragged on with all this fear. He consulted with my NP and they added milk thistle twice daily, lemon water, and cooked garlic to my regimen to aid with detoxification. Plus, she wanted me to make sure I was still taking my fish oils. Ugh. 

If you’re keeping track, that comes to 14 prescription meds, 2 fish oils, 2 vitamin B’s, 2 milk thistle caps, and guess what? The probiotic arrived that afternoon. I decided to take that before bed so it wouldn’t interfere with anything else. That’s 21…. TWENTY-ONE pills a day. For 14…. FOURTEEN days. 

Don’t get me wrong. It could be worse. It could be Dr. Google’s diagnosis. It could be untreatable. It could be undiagnosed issues. Here I am with a diagnosis, a treatment plan, and hopefully a cure at the end of 2 weeks. I don’t mean to complain. I am aware that things could be so much worse. Still, when you’re in it, you’re in it. 

I spent the day edgy about the itching, praying against any allergic reactions, trying not to worry, and playing the Bachelor in the background for distraction (Did anyone else think that was a horrible season?). I was nauseous and exhausted. Dizziness and fatigue would hit me after every round I took, but I wasn’t giving up unless I had an allergic reaction, because starting over sounded too scary. 

Can I share a silver lining here? Rest. Resting on the couch because I was too nauseous to do anything else at times, I had so much time with my family. My toddler would snuggle and play next to me (when he wasn’t destroying the house and pulling board games and DVD’s off the shelf). My girls sat with me, snuggled and chatted with me in the evening. After bed time routines were completed, my husband and I just snuggled and talked on the couch. That quality time felt precious. It felt important. I welcomed that gift in the middle of the cursed diagnosis-treatment cycle. 

That night I encountered insomnia, a terrible taste in my mouth (probiotic? side effect of meds?), and nausea. I started crying when the alarm went off.

“I’ll talk to her,” my husband said.

“No! Don’t!” I said. “I don’t want her to think I’m a crybaby. If it’s not urgent, don’t tell her. I’m just tired. So tired.”

​And so began Wednesday. Day 3

Surprisingly, for me, the day got better! I was tired from the night before, but I didn’t feel super itchy or super anxious. I was in the bathroom a LOT more but I told myself those evil bacteria were leaving my system. I even got up the courage to go the library with my toddler. I felt brave and capable. I started cooking dinner before noon because I didn’t want to waste the good feelings. 

Day 4: This day was pretty mellow and predictable as well. I could tell when the queasy feelings were coming and I rolled with them. That night though, I could not sleep well. I felt restless and uncomfortable. 

Day 5: I think I went to the bathroom 14 times. Before noon. Seriously, you’re reading a post about H. Pylori. You can’t be surprised there’s bathroom talk, right? It was crazy. I didn’t feel sick. I just kept going. I had this feeling like I was just going to make it and it was going to be ok. I felt itchy feelings still, but they weren’t terrible. The roof of my mouth itched and my throat felt prickly, but I hoped that was just the winter cold germs that my kids abound with. 

Day 6: We had a lot to do on this day; a Saturday with a family of 5 is never boring! One child had a friend over the night before for a sleepover. We had a mid-morning event to go to. Another child needed a haircut. And our friends, a family of 6, were coming to stay with us that night. I also had the worst headache of my entire life. I’m not kidding you. I’m not a “I have a headache” type of person. It rarely happens. But on this busy, family-oriented day, I was consumed by this pressure and pain. Again, I kept going, taking these pills every few hours, drinking water, eating as healthily as I could. Eventually, I just had to take a nap. The pressure was like a wide headband was on my head and something else, on the bridge of my nose. Pressure. Deep constant pressure. I wondered if that’s what a migraine felt like? Everything made it worse. I spent most of the afternoon in bed just feeling the discomfort. More detox? I may never know. That evening I noticed bumps on my back. Some looked like bug bites (my husband thought maybe a bug was in my sweater) and some looked like pimples. By the end of the night I had a lower back covered in what looked like pimples. My back had been clear that morning. I pushed down the panic rising up and googled symptoms of H. Pylori treatments. Acne is one of them. I told myself, “It’s acne”, and I went to bed. 

Day 7: We spent the day with our friends and I felt really good for the most part. Grocery shopping, visiting, eating meals… it all seemed pretty easy. But again, in the evening, I felt the itchiness return. I showered and when I got out, I had puffy red spot all over my back, some on my stomach, and a few on my neck. It was hard not to panic. 

I sat on the couch that evening feeling foggy-headed. I felt pretty panicky and it seemed like I couldn’t get enough oxygen into my head. I still had some pressure in my head and a gross feeling in my throat. I was hoping I wasn’t getting the cold that my daughters both had and I rubbed Eucalyptus oil on me to help with breathing, but I couldn’t find relief. 

It has been years since I’ve felt that helpless. Or hopeless. I laid in bed that night crying to my husband that I just wanted to be unconscious. This is not living. It’s suffering. I slept hard that night. 

Day 8: I had made it through a WHOLE WEEK! Yes, the night before was brutal, but I was okay, wasn’t I? I made it through the night. The red bumps went down to the pimple-looking things again and it was snowing. Okay, snow has very little to do with how I was feeling, but it sure was pretty to watch. And the kids stayed home, which was so wonderful. I held myself together that morning, waiting to hear from my NP. When one of her nurses called, I braced myself for what they would say. My anxiety was through the roof, which I believe firmly was physiologically induced but mentally triggered. She suggested I try Benadryl when my husband was home, in the evening when the itching was most noticeable and we would see what happened. 

That night, I sat on the couch assessing myself. I was calm, crocheting, a little depressed and beaten down by this whole thing and feeling helpless still. I could feel a little itchiness in different spot all over my body and a tingling at the base of my skull, like that pressure-oxygen-thing was building back up. My husband thought it was a good time to take the Benadryl to see if it would help. I continued sitting and crocheting for an hour but I never felt a change. Normally, I would be knocked out by Benadryl, but I didn’t even feel tired. The queasiness in my stomach had abated, which was a relief, but the itches remained. I had a stuffy feeling in my head, but not a crazy, panicky, I-can’t-breathe-feeling. My throat stopped hurting, thankfully! I went to bed, more confused than ever. If this was a histamine reaction, wouldn’t the Benadryl have stopped it? Why didn’t the Benadryl knock me out? Why was I still itchy? All I could do was wait til the morning.

Day 9: I started the day as I normally would: breakfast, medicine, packing lunches. I felt pretty nauseous and also like I had a head cold, scratchy throat, stuffy nose, etc. When the nurse called, I felt the panic rise up in me. My stomach turned. I told her the results of our experiment and she said she thought my NP would start backing me off of the antibiotics. I hung up the phone and ran to the bathroom (thank you very much anxiety). I felt like I’d never be able to go to an appointment again, to sit in a room and deal with anything again. I felt defeated, like a shell of myself. How could I function normally, if anything out of the ordinary made me panic? 

As I waited to hear from them, I took one child to school, (another was home sick), went to the library for books for the kids, and came home for lunch and meds. I felt defeated. What if, by cutting back on the antibiotics, this whole process was drawn out even longer? What if I didn’t get better after all? What if all of this was for nothing and I was worse off than before? 

I spoke to another nurse right before lunch and she said to stop the Tetracycline immediately. Since the Benadryl did not reduce the itching, they wanted to make sure that I wouldn’t have anaphylaxis. I guess there’s really no way to know if that’s what I was heading toward or not. I asked if this would prevent or slow down my recovery and she said maybe a little, but hopefully not. 

I tried to boost myself back up. I had completed 8 days. Some do triple therapy for 7 days with a 79% success rate. I did quadruple therapy for 8 days. That has to count for something. There had to be a light at the end of this tunnel. I left the Tetracycline out when I prepared my lunch medications. I made a note on my chart and hoped this would be a turning point. 

When I went to bed that night I had a full blown head cold (remember that kid who stayed home sick?). I put a cold wet cloth on my head to help my sinus inflammation and I went to sleep. 

In the middle of the night, our other daughter got up throwing up. By 5 a.m., I had her GI bug too. I couldn’t make this nightmare up if I tried. I spent Day 10 in the bathroom, trying to eat 4 times during the day in order to take my meds, knowing it wasn’t going to stay in my system long. It was an awful sickness and I was in tears, rocking in bed with nausea, missing time with my friend who was in town for a visit, and unable to care for myself or my family. 

When I woke up on Day 11, I felt the GI bug was gone. I could sense that my body was stronger and less nauseous. I took a relieved breath and got up to start the day. Being very weak and fatigued from the illness, I asked my husband for help with the kids and I spent half of the day in bed. By midday, I was feeling better and moved to the couch. I showered and knew that tomorrow was going to be even better. 

I was a little surprised to experience nausea on Day 12. I thought I’d be over it by then, but it wasn’t a GI bug nausea, it was different. I also felt my anxiety was on overdrive. I was shaking and crying to my husband that I couldn’t keep living this way. I spent the day on the couch eating when I needed to take medication and crocheting while my 2 year old son destroyed the house around me. By the afternoon, my back hurt really bad, right in the center, between my shoulder blades and a little farther down. Nothing I did could relieve it. So, I ate a banana and felt a bit of relief. I figured it was acid for some reason and I put a call in to the nurse to see if taking antacids was allowable. Of course it was a Friday and my NP was out and we were headed into a weekend…. I mean what could go wrong? 

Antacids were approved. I tried to make it through dinner but the back pain, heartburn feelings and nausea were steadily creeping up on me. I begged my husband to go get me some Tums so maybe I could find relief. He did and then asked if I needed to go to the emergency room. 

“I don’t trust them!” I cried. “They won’t understand the protocol I’ve been on or what could be happening! Last time you went, you probably had an ulcer and they gave you a prescription for Cipro (only the deadliest antibiotic out there) and told you to take an anti-diarrheal. They would kill me!” 

I begged him to cross a professional line and contact my NP. Begged. He did. She said she thought I was having a gastric flare up, which can happen with the antibiotic Metronidazole. At this point, I wasn’t convinced that I wouldn’t die. The pain, burning and nausea was intermingled with racing heart, icy chest, sweating and chills. I was in the most horrific panic cycle I’d ever experienced and I didn’t see a way out. She advised that I stop the Metronidazole (which I’d already taken my last dose of the day for) and said I could take a Tums every 15 minutes, but not to exceed 6. She said to take another Omeprazole (a PPI) and continue to take 2 in the morning and 2 in the evening instead of 1. My husband made me a warm cup of water with ACV (apple cider vinegar) and honey in it.

I did everything I was told. I even added Benadryl to the mix in the hopes it would help me sleep at least. Eventually, I found a restless sleep that got me through the night, but when I awoke, I was back in my nightmare. Shaking. Sweating. Nausea. Racing heart. Burning stomach. Icy chest. Chills. I wondered again if I would die. Hello, Day 13

One of my best friends had texted. She was leaving after being in town for a week. She was coming by to return our Pack-N-Play and I wasn’t in a position to see her. I was heartbroken. I cried. 

My husband took over for me that day while I wrestled with panic demons and death fears. I begged him yet again to contact my NP. I felt like I was going to die. I told him I would go to the ER if she thought I should. She didn’t (thank God). She actually advised that I start drinking bone broth and she called in a prescription for anti-nausea medication. 

I would do anything to avoid the hospital, and death. I drank cup after cup of broth. I found moments where I didn’t feel anything. I had forgotten what that felt like. I began to feel like I would live. I couldn’t eat. I was incredibly weak. But I knew I was going to live. It was the scariest 24 hours of my life. It was worse than childbirth. The unknown taunted me and the thought that it wouldn’t end was absolute torture. 

I cried so many tears that day. My husband, frantically doing both of our jobs, juggling our children, the household needs, meals, dishes, and my bone broth needs was frantic. I wanted to hug him, to help him, to get up and join him, but I couldn’t. I was too busy trying not to succumb to yet another panic attack. My children made me notes and cards, they came to visit and talk, but I was too tired, too weak, too nauseous and too anxious to participate in anything with them and it broke my heart. I hugged them when I could. Smiled when I couldn’t. 

I didn’t end up taking the anti-nausea med (Zofran). I couldn’t risk any other complications, side effects or challenges. I did drink quarts of bone broth. Lucky for us, we had just cooked up a batch (we cook it for 3 days) and it was ready to be consumed. 

The nausea and anxiety cycle was like being out in an ocean where I couldn’t see land. I could see impending waves and when they would begin to rise up it took every ounce of concentration to stay on top of them. I could not risk letting them wash over me, sending me underwater, unable to breathe, tossed about and disoriented. I would feel the icy chill in my chest and my heart begin to race and I would close my eyes. Surviving each attack meant staying on top of the wave with my breathing, with my visualization, with focusing on all 5 senses to make sure I stayed grounded and did not get lost. 

So, when I started Day 14 of a 14 day protocol, I did so knowing I was off of all antibiotics (so, was I still on a protocol?). I took double amounts of Omeprazole and continued with the Pink Bismuth. I ate a little food and continued consuming bone broth. I moved myself to the living room where I could be near my family again and I hoped. I hoped for healing. I hoped for recovery. I hoped for complete deliverance of the pain and nausea. 

That’s my 14-day journey. It didn’t actually have a happy ending, did it? It didn’t really have an ending at all! 

Here’s what I know: When I communicated with my NP, we had received my other stool sample results and I have SIBO. I also didn’t finish the H. Pylori protocol so that could be affecting me too. My decision was to start treatment for SIBO which includes herbal antibiotics and a strict diet called SCD (specific carbohydrate diet). The supplement formula I decided to go with is Metagenics (affiliate link below). According to the SIBO website, I will take 2 caps of each formula twice a day. 

 ? Stool Tests… Why Don’t We Test Poop?

This question has haunted me throughout this experience. Why didn’t anyone test my poop over the last 4 years? I obviously had an experience where I took an antibiotic and began having panic attacks. I self-diagnosed myself with Candida and tried to treat it myself. It didn’t go well and I went to a Naturopath and did a huge blood work up, but no poop test. I spent 2015 and 2016 trying to maintain the health I had achieved with the Naturopath but I still wasn’t 100%. I got pregnant and had a baby. I pursued MTHFR treatment and found a greater degree of peace, but still not 100%. Throughout all of this, no one did a stool test. I actually wish I’d asked. I think I’ve been so tired of not feeling well, that I just kept hoping the right doctor would figure it all out and fix it. It took me getting this sick (internal-bleeding-kind-of-sick) before stool tests were on the table. 

This is the test that was sent out via FedEx. It’s so comprehensive. Very impressive. Just read about it and tell me you’re going to insist on testing yourself through your practitioner. Or tell me to become a practitioner and I’ll order tests for you. Because this is IMPORTANT stuff! Genova Diagnostics. 

Lesson? Ask for stool tests. If you have digestive OR psychological challenges, get a comprehensive panel of your stool. Find out if there’s an imbalance of any kind of bacteria that you can address to achieve optimal health! Check for SIBO, H. Pylori and parasites. You’re worth it. 

5 Postpartum Hacks for Every Mom-To-Be

Ladies, there are things I did not discover until my THIRD baby that I wish I had known about for ALL the babies! I want to share them with you and I want you to share them with all your pregnant mama friends, okay? Because that’s what friends are for!

Milk Leak Cups

These magical cups capture the milk that leaks out of the other breast while nursing your baby. That is an incredible gift because that dripping, leaking milk is liquid gold! With previous babies I used cloths, towels, or whatever nearby to soak up the leakage. What. A. Waste. Get these cups even if you’re just *thinking* about breastfeeding! When your milk comes in, you may leak a lot, and some women will wear these cups at night to catch the night leaking and set aside some extra milk, which is also a genius idea.

You’re going to find that there are lots of cups out there, but these are the ones I used. They’ve been around for forever and have a great reputation (and price tag). They come in a pack of 2, so I would rotate them each night. While one was being washed and set out to dry (thank you, Husband!), the other was on my headboard, waiting for all the nursing sessions to come over the next 24 hours! Try them!

Night Pads for Your Bed

Maybe it was in the pregnancy books and I just didn’t grasp the true horror of it, but the amount of bleeding that happens postpartum is ridiculous. I had NO IDEA. It can be a rough few days, sometimes weeks! For me, it would go away almost completely and then start up “out of nowhere” usually right around when I started resuming normal activity…. (Coincidence? I think not.) Interesting side note: when my bleeding got really bad (with baby #3), my midwife advised that I pee before nursing. It made a HUGE difference!

First baby: I put towels down underneath me and would adjust them throughout the night. Second baby: Towels again, but I also used old sheets on purpose so I wouldn’t wake up panicked trying to make sure I was protecting them properly. Third baby: Enter the nighttime pads. Lifesaver.

So these pads are the kind you might use for your nighttime potty training toddler. They work great for that too. I loved not having to change the sheets every day on the top bunk during potty training season. But for postpartum they can’t be more perfect. They take the stress out of worrying about leaking postpartum pads and they don’t shift in the night. They’re easy to dispose of and they’re easy to put in place. They are a win-win. You’ve got enough on your plate without worrying about keeping your sheets clean (or having any more laundry to do than you already do) after giving birth. 

Make sure you have these on hand. If you don’t need them or use them all, you’ll have a potty training toddler in a few years and you can use them then. This (affiliate) link below is the best price per sheet and totally worth it!

White Noise

A little bit of white noise can go a long way for a fussy or sleeping baby! Don’t underestimate the power of some sssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. If you think about it, baby has been in an environment that has been white noise-ish for 9 months. To be in complete silence might feel really foreign to the new little being. Even Happiest Baby On The Block talks about the power of the SSSHHHHHHHHHH.

With baby #1 I used an app on my phone, but guess what? My phone had to stay with baby! And the battery dying was a big concern. With baby #2 I still used the app but usually on my iPad. Of course then I couldn’t use my iPad whenever I wanted either. I have a SleepMate that I’ve had for years but I didn’t feel like it got quite loud enough to help baby drift and stop listening for any tiny noise interrupting the blaring silence. So I found this little machine for baby #3 and he seriously cannot sleep without it. It’s under $20 and has different sounds to choose from, though I always just choose white noise. It also doesn’t have an auto-turn-off timer like a lot of the baby white noise toys do and it plugs in, so batteries aren’t a concern! (It does take batteries though, which is great for power outages and other odd situations!)

This would make a great gift for a pregnant friend or for yourself to help baby have a little bit of comfort noise while trying to learn to sleep outside of the comfort of your womb! And when baby sleeps better, so does mommy.

Milk Storage Bags

Remember we talked about the magical cups that capture your leaking breastmilk? Well, you need to put that milk somewhere and these bags are perfect. They’re small. You can label them. They guard against freezer burn. They’re affordable.

Even if you plan to EBF (exclusively breastfeed), you never know when your breastmilk can come in handy. You may need it for baby’s first clogged tear duct (worked great for baby #1). You might want to put it on baby’s acne if that develops, like our baby #2. Or maybe baby is having trouble gaining weight and it’s suggested that you top him off like we had to with baby #3. Having some bags of breastmilk in the fridge or freezer really gave me peace of mind.

These are another one of those “good to have around” products that you might not use, but if you have them when you need them, you’ll be so grateful! I know I was.

Organic Chocolate Covered Almonds

Do you want to get yourself or another new mom something really useful? Chocolate.
Seriously.
Chocolate.
There hasn’t been a postpartum period during which I haven’t found great comfort, energy, and serotonin boosting blessings from chocolate!
Pair that chocolate with the protein and health benefits of almonds and you’ll be gifting that mom with some energy that will last a little longer than a candy bar or other empty-calorie-snack.

How Anxiety Harms Sleep and How You Can Combat Its Effects

Today there is a guest blog for you to read. It is written by Noah Smith.

Noah Smith conquered his anxiety battles as a child. Today, he conquers places in his travel adventures. He writes for WellnessVoyager and enjoys offering his travel expertise to readers.

How Anxiety Harms Sleep and How You Can Combat Its Effects

The main connection between chronic anxiety and sleep problems is that one begets the other. It’s a vicious cycle. Your anxiety may cause you to develop sleep disorders like insomnia or narcolepsy and your inability to sleep properly may cause you to develop more anxiety. As an adolescent, this effect can be magnified. Since sleep is done in the unconscious realm and anxiety is felt while you’re awake, it may be helpful to try to reduce your anxiety first, before taking measures (like medication) to force the sleep issue.

Find a way to shut down your overworked brain

Easier said than done, right? Anyone with anxiety knows that these anxious feelings tend to get worse as soon as your head hits the pillow. Finding a way to prevent your brain from flying off the deep end during the quiet calm of pre-sleep is paramount to success in overcoming your problems.

“The worries that lead to increased anxiety and tension may come to the forefront when lying down to sleep at night. Once the distractions of the day are pushed away, ruminations about your career, finances, or relationships may come to the surface,” says VeryWell.com.

An anxious brain is one that’s working overtime. You must find a way to turn the volume down on your overactive mind. Mindfulness exercises, like meditation, focused breathing, and yoga performed right before bedtime can help in this endeavor. Some also find that a little bit of noise can be a distraction from anxious thoughts. Try a white noise machine, some soft music, or leave the window open and focus on the sounds of the city or nature.

Keep anxiety-causing triggers out of the bedroom

Your bedroom should be for sleep and sleep only. One sure-fire way to disrupt sleep is to bring your triggers for anxiety into your bedroom with you. Don’t do homework in bed. Don’t lie in bed and look at Facebook for hours. Don’t even watch TV or movies in bed. Instead, do those things outside of the bedroom.

“Don’t work, watch TV, or use your computer in bed or the bedroom. The goal is to associate the bedroom with sleep alone, so that your brain and body get a strong signal that it’s time to nod off when you get in bed,” notes HelpGuide.org.

The more you associate being in bed with sleep, the easier it will be to fall asleep and stay asleep when the time comes. Don’t get into bed unless you are tired and are committed to going to sleep right then.

Get plenty of exercise and avoid chemical triggers

Studies have shown over and over again that exercise helps you sleep better, and the workouts do not have to be intense. For example, a 20-minute workout four to five times a week in your home gym will provide long lasting benefits. One of those ways is by helping to reduce stress and anxiety, as exercise triggers the release of brain chemicals that promote mental wellbeing.

But it’s more than that. Sleep reinforces our circadian rhythms by promoting alertness during the daytime hours, which in turn promotes restfulness during the nighttime hours. If you don’t find yourself falling fast asleep the moment you lie down after exercising don’t get discouraged. Recent research suggests that “exercise may not have an immediate impact on sleep, but in fact may take several weeks or months to significantly change sleep.”

A healthy diet is also important, and you should always avoid substances like alcohol, nicotine, and caffeine before attempting to sleep. Chronic anxiety is one of the most common problems for teens and sleep disorders are the
most common effect of anxiety. What that means is that you’re not alone. Plenty of people have found a way to manage their anxiety to get better sleep, so it’s entirely possible – even if it feels hopeless at times.

Photo Credit: Pixabay.com

Which Young Living Essential Oil Products Contain Gluten?

Do Young Living Essential Oils contain gluten? Are Young Living Essential Oils gluten-free? Are Young Living Essential Oils safe for individuals with celiac disease? I know you want to know the answer to this. You know how I know? Because my original post on this subject is still, to this day, my most popular blog post. I receive e-mails and comments all the time, asking for information.

See original post here. 

I am creating a new post because I received a more updated list and wanted to make it easier for you to access it, by creating a file for you to download directly from the blog. This way you don’t have to wait for me to check my e-mail, read your message, reply and attach the file. Honestly, this can take months. You deserve faster service than that!

There are MANY people that will tell you (and have told me), the amount of gluten in these Young Living products is very minimal and not worth getting upset about. To these people, I gently reply, for individuals with celiac disease or like me, who have an anaphylactic reaction to gluten, these minimal amounts are really dangerous. They also build up over time, gradually stimulating the immune system to have an immune response. For those who care, and there seem to be a lot of us, this information is really really really important!

Also, I get many people asking what oil to use if they can’t use the V6 carrier oil that Young Living sells. You can use olive oil in a pinch (I hear it stains, so be careful). Coconut oil will work whether in a liquid or solid state. We personally use Spectrum Organic Almond Oil and are very happy with it. I buy a large bottle and it lasts us years! Please see affiliate links to these products below and click on them to purchase if you’d like to support my blog in a very minimal way with no cost to you. (Thank you!)

Here is the note I received from a Young Living associate within the past year: We attached a list that shows which products contain wheat/gluten.  The list also indicates which products do not use any gluten containing ingredients; however, we cannot guarantee these products as gluten free. It is possible that these products are manufactured in facilities which use gluten in product formulations. Though there may be gluten processed in the same facility please rest assured that according to cGMP’s (current good manufacturing practices) the machinery is cleansed and sanitized between products to prevent contamination. If you have additional concerns about the use of any of these products we would encourage you to speak to your health care provider.

To sign up with Young Living, go here and enter 1414775 as the Enroller ID and Sponsor ID. Choose the Premium Starter Kit in order to get the most for your money and start enjoying your oils today!

Please, follow me on Facebook and Pinterest. Comment below if you have something to add. Contribute to Facebook conversations or check out my Pins. I look forward to hearing what you have to say!

Staying Sane as a SAHM this Summer!

Hey mamas! And papas! It’s summer time! Isn’t it exciting? The year has come to a close. Kids are coming home from school with all their hard work shoved into their backpacks. End-of-the-year celebrations and ceremonies. Awards are handed out. Yearbooks. Report cards. Teacher gifts. Summer. Summer! SUMMER! It’s here!

Womp. Womp. Womp. 

If you work from home, summer break doesn’t hold the allure it once held as a child. It’s not about sleeping in and having adventures all day, every day. That’s impossible! Instead, summer break is all about figuring out how to entertain your children while accomplishing all of your work duties, fulfilling your hours, and oftentimes making phone calls (!!!!!!!!!) despite the background noise. 

Backstory: I work from home, more computer-heavy than phone, but I still have to be available for phone calls and often make them. I have a 6 1/2 year old, just out of kindergarten, a 5 year old, just out of Pre-K, and a 1 year old still attempting to learn how to walk and talk and all that good stuff. 

In order to survive the summer, I have arranged my schedule to work most of my hours on Monday and Tuesday. I squeeze the rest of my work into random hours on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. This is how I juggle our activities so I can be with my kids as much as possible. 

This schedule or the kids’ ages may not be applicable to your situation or they may match your situation. Either way, take a look at the plans I’ve made below and maybe something will work for you! 

Here’s what I did. I took a piece of paper and wandered around my house, the girls’ room, Pinterest and my brain. I wrote down every idea I had. But I was purposeful, I wrote down ideas that would require little involvement from me! My thoughts are: while I’m working, the girls (in between snack and screen time) can come and pick something from the jar to give them an idea to run with. It doesn’t need to be something that mommy helps with (those are on another list). Ages make a difference here. I don’t think this would have been as successful last summer because my daughters couldn’t read. This year, however, my oldest is reading really well and trying to read more all the time, so she can move farther and faster with ideas than ever before! 

I grabbed some markers and cut paper into rectangular pieces. I wrote one activity on each piece. Each piece is folded and placed in the jar. I’m hoping they will go with the first item they pull out (but intuitively I know better….).

​My list is below, but I may keep adding to it as things come to me. Please adjust your list based on games, puzzles, activities and options available to you! (I also have a Dollar Tree shopping list for one of the outings we will take, so I can gather activity-supplies and science experiment ingredients!)

Mommy Is Working List:

  • Puffy Paint Shirts (Michael’s Clearance)
  • Water Balloon Play 
  • Write a Letter or Make a Card
  • Glow Sticks Play (Dollar Tree!)
  • Squirt Guns (Target dollar bins)
  • Sidewalk Chalk
  • Sidewalk Chalk Hopscotch
  • Create Something with Play Dough
  • Put on a Puppet Show
  • Jump Rope
  • Balloon Play
  • Write in a Journal (6 year old)
  • Kindergarten Prep (5 year old)
  • Practice Words (6 year old)
  • Practice Letters (5 year old)
  • Paint Stepping Stones (hello Target dollar bins!)
  • Put up USA Map (Target dollar bins)
  • Play KerPlunk!
  • Play Connect4
  • Play Cupcake Game
  • Play Candyland
  • Play Chutes & Ladders
  • Play Operation
  • Play Hungry Hippos
  • Use Silly Sentences (6 year old)
  • Use ABC or Spanish ABC game (5 year old)
  • Go on a Nature Scavenger Hunt
  • Water Balloon Baseball
  • Decorate Masks (masks purchased at a post-holiday Target clearance)
  • Build Something with Goldie Blox
  • Build Something with LEGOS
  • Have a Race with Daddy’s Cars! (matchbox)
  • Put up a Tent

The Lip Tie Tongue Tie Nightmare

Less than 24 hours after having my son, I was home with my husband, my two girls (one of whom had a birthday the day we came home), and my parents. It was a Thursday afternoon and I felt amazing. Tired, but amazing. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d slept and I was so high from the natural birth and the thrill of my perfect baby, I just continued to be awake, chatting with my family and staring at my baby’s perfection. 

The newborn blur began as soon as we walked in the door. Diaper changes. Clothes. Getting the bed ready for us all. Breastfeeding around the clock. Working on a proper latch. And resting whenever I could. On Saturday we were having my youngest daughter’s 4th birthday party. I am pretty sure I was delusional when I thought I could have a birthday party for her, complete with snacks and decorations. But I did…

Some time on Saturday, between the stress of decorating for the party, the cramps and bleeding from being 2 days post-partum, being dressed and “on” for company, and taking care of a newborn, while trying to shower my birthday girl with attention, I began to notice something was wrong. Breastfeeding could hurt in the beginning. I’d experienced pain those first few days of nursing with my oldest. But I wasn’t finding any relief. The pain just continued and my brand new, perfect son, was not acting content after feedings. He would sleep for 5-10 minutes and then begin crying. 

I kept feeding my baby, watching him drift into sweet sleep, handing him off to family members and visitors to hold, only to have him crying within minutes. He would be handed back to me and I would feed him again. The pain of latching wasn’t improving and he didn’t appear to be getting comfort or nourishment either. I thought, perhaps, when my milk came in things would get better. 

I was wrong. 

The Sunday that followed was dark. It was a dark day that led me down a dark week, and into a dark month. On very little sleep, I nursed around the clock. I felt my milk come in. I hoped it would help, but it didn’t. I nursed my baby everywhere. I started hearing a distinct clicking noise that I’d never heard before. I took videos and sent them to friends. I start asking La Leche groups and moms groups on Facebook what could possibly be happening. Tongue tie. Lip tie. Terms started flying at me and I wanted to dismiss them. But as I nursed him for the 5000th time that dark day, I began to crumble. 

Though we had company, I could not get out of bed. I just laid there nursing every few minutes, in extreme pain. My nipples had started to bleed and I couldn’t find relief. I was clenching my jaw so tightly every time he latched, I felt like I would go into a panic if the pain continued. Meanwhile, the milk in my breasts continued to come in but I didn’t feel like any was going out. I cried and cried, alone in my dark bedroom, listening to my girls play and talk with family, wondering what I was going to do. 

In a panic, I messaged with my doula who said she would be over as soon as she could. With authority, she said we needed privacy and our guests needed to leave. She said the last thing I needed was to be dressed and wearing a bra and trying to entertain. Off went the clothes. Skin-to-skin was all that mattered. She watched me nurse. She helped with latching. She gave me a schedule to give my bleeding nipples a break. She taught me to use the breast pump I’d had for 5 ½ years but never used. She confirmed there was a lip tie and maybe a tongue tie going on and encouraged me to see the chiropractor. She showed me how to feed the baby pumped milk with a spoon. I tried not to panic, but I was constantly scared he was starving and I couldn’t help him.

My chiropractor was on a flight that night that didn’t get in til after midnight. I messaged him and his wife. I needed to know if an adjustment would help my baby eat or if something more drastic was required. Every hour that passed by was torture-filled with pumping, painfully nursing, spoon-feeding, applying oils to my nipples and my breast tissue. I wore cabbage leaves to stop the painful engorgement from turning into an infection, and I mourned the newborn experience I had hoped to have. I can’t remember ever crying so much nor being so afraid. 

My kind chiropractor, who was probably jet-lagged and sleep-deprived, met me and my dad at his office in the morning. I could feel my panic and nausea return as my postpartum body balked at the idea of being in public, standing, walking, conversing…. I handed over my fragile, precious, hungry newborn and watched him be examined with care and delicacy. My chiropractor did an adjustment, advised jaw massaging while nursing, and confirmed a lip and tongue tie. He wasn’t sure if the tongue tie needed to be removed, but the lip tie definitely did. He was allowing air in when he nursed, causing the chapping, blistering, and bleeding of my nipples. And his poor latch was preventing him from getting the milk he needed. 

I was heart-broken. On the drive home I called the dentist I was referred to and tried to make an appointment for a frenectomy evaluation and procedure. The soonest they could do it was 10 days out. I started crying. I explained that I was hormonal and emotional. I apologized profusely and asked if there was anything they could do because my baby was hungry and I was in so much pain. Within the hour they called back and the dentist had agreed to do the evaluation and procedure on his lunch break the next day. 

My husband had already missed work for the birth and was anxious about trying to get time off. My parents were getting ready to begin their 22 hour drive back home. The dentist was 3 hours away, just outside Baltimore, MD. My dad agreed to take me and I cannot tell you how grateful I was. I just needed progress. I needed something to give me hope. 

That night, the dentist himself called me to talk about the procedure. I was shocked and impressed. He told me the youngest baby he’d worked on was 15 hours old. I thanked him for working through his lunch and he simply asked that I not bring him food, because sometimes people did that and he didn’t need it. I had to laugh. Of course, I’d thought about bringing him food, but couldn’t do much more than take care of my baby, let alone myself. 

My friend volunteered to take the girls to and from school. My mom would stay at home so someone would be there when they got out. My husband left for work and my dad and I embarked on our 3 hour drive with my newborn. Bleeding. Cabbage leaves. Leaking milk. Exhausted. Nervous. And iron-deficient, no-doubt, I remember pieces of the drive. Chunks of conversation. Views out the window. Looking back at my sleeping newborn. Praying. Constantly praying.

In the office, I filled out paperwork, nervously watched patients come and go, chatted with some other people and waited my turn. I pulled out my Copaiba essential oil and whispered to my baby how everything would be okay. One woman had the nerve to comment, “In my day, you just suffered through those first couple of weeks of painful breastfeeding, but nowadays, everyone gets this lip-tie thing cut off.” 

“I’ve had 2 other kids,” I informed her. “I know breastfeeding pain. But this exceeds that. And my baby cannot get enough milk because he can’t latch properly. Driving 3 hours isn’t convenient with a 5-day old baby. This is a necessity.” I bit my hormonal-tongue and decided that getting upset wasn’t going to make any of this easier. 

During the exam, I was shown the lip-tie and the tongue-tie by the kind, happy dentist. He was at ease with the evaluation, my baby, and the procedure. I rubbed oil on his gums and held his hands while they began. As the gum tissue burned away I dizzily swayed a little and was asked if I was okay. Immediately, I thought, “This is not about me. All that matters is him.” I nodded. “I’m fine.” And they continued. Both the lip and tongue ties were lasered off and the tongue tie was cauterized. I thought it would never end. Immediately I nursed my baby, not caring about my own pain in that moment. I just wanted to comfort him. 

It was a long drive home. My son slept off and on, he cried a lot. In the next 24 hours he would cry so much, I wouldn’t know what to do. I kept telling myself to give him 3 days to heal. So many people said day 3 was the worst. Thankfully for us, the worst was those first 24 hours. I never did end up giving him acetaminophen or ibuprofen. (Ibuprofen isn’t recommended on babies so young. Acetaminophen crosses the blood-brain-barrier and is linked to asthma and many other issues.) I did use some Copaiba on his gums and Helichrysum diluted on his feet. I worked diligently on his latch and continued pumping and nursing around the clock. 

As we all recovered from the procedure and the trauma of it all, I realized my milk supply was diminishing. It seemed far too early for that and I panicked yet again. I was trying to feed him as much as possible, even through my own pain, but it still didn’t seem to be enough. We were up all hours of the day and night, him fussing and rooting to eat, and my cringing while trying to breastfeed him again and again and again. 

A trip to a lactation consultant confirmed my fears: my baby was losing weight still and probably hungry. I couldn’t even get through a conversation with her as I sobbed and sobbed. I just wanted everything to get better. I had only had him in my arms for a week and a half and it had all been so miserable, so scary, so painful, and so completely unfair. I left the doctor’s office with a list of things to do: pumping after every feeding, spoon feeding all of the milk I pumped to him whenever he would take it, galactagogues to consume, and breast compressions. My doula helped with my milk supply issues as well by giving me homeopathic remedies, essential oils to apply topically and take internally, and more oils to help my painful nipples. 

With my parents gone and my husband at work, I relied on my friends to take my kids to and from school and bring us dinners each day, while I worked literally around the clock to feed my baby. I didn’t know night from day except that sometimes I saw people and sometimes I didn’t. All I did was apply fennel and basil oil to my breast tissue, nurse, burp the baby, apply myrrh oil diluted in coconut oil to heal my nipples, pump, feed baby whatever milk I’d pumped before, drink water, drink hot lemon honey water with fennel oil in it, do his frenectomy exercises to help his gums and tongue tissue to heal, change his diaper, take care of my postpartum healing whenever possible, and ingest copious amounts of lactation cookies.

One of these days was a Saturday and my friend took the girls for us so my husband and I could be at home. He helped me through the initial learning curve as I developed a routine with all of it. He helped me make lactation cookies (or lactation pizza we joked, because the cookie dough flattened out and spread out all over the pan when it baked). At some point I became hooked on Downton Abbey and watched it continuously while I cycled unknowingly through day and night. 

And still, a week later, at the lactation consultant, he hadn’t gained any weight. My heart raced as they weighed him and broke as they told me the number. I clung to the fact that he hadn’t lost any more weight. We were going to get through this. I was told I could slow down on pumping since my supply was up. I didn’t have to pump after EVERY nursing session anymore. Since the latch was improving and my nipples were healing, it was getting easier to nurse him, so we focused on that. The next week wasn’t as terrible, though I dreaded the next weigh-in. 

I slowly returned to a routine, taking my girls to school and picking them up. I had friends over for playdates and started heating up frozen meals for our dinners. My sweet baby still didn’t sleep much, sometimes only 5-10 minutes at a time, and cried to nurse constantly, but I was there for him. I remembered how when he was born, I pulled him into my arms and said over and over, “We did it! We did it!” During this dark season I looked at him often and said, “We are doing this. We are doing this together. We are a team and we are going to get through this.” 

At yet another appointment, the pediatrician was unconcerned with the weight, saying he had stabilized and seemed alert and more content. However, the lactation consultant wanted to continue seeing us until he got back up to birth weight. I felt vindicated and defeated all at once. I continued nursing him constantly, but slowed down on supplementing pumped milk because he was just spitting it out at that point. 

It took three weeks, three long, dark, exhausting weeks to get my baby back up to birth weight. The day we did it, I rejoiced. I smothered him in kisses and cried. Finally, I was crying tears of joy, the kind I hadn’t shed since his birth. Finally, we were getting somewhere.

I don’t remember much else in that first month. I openly apologize to anyone I may not have responded to or for anything I did or didn’t do. In moments like these, nothing else matters but the health and well-being of your child. And in hindsight, I was a rockstar for my baby. I did the hardest work I’ve ever done. I know I couldn’t have succeeded without my husband and our friends’ support, but I also know that I made a choice to keep going through it all. 

My baby is 3 months old now (at the time I originally wrote this). Sometimes when I pick him up at night to feed him, I chuckle at how much heavier he feels in my arms. Even when he nurses every 2 hours and I feel I can’t get anything accomplished, I am proud, proud to have this nursing relationship with him and proud that we got through such dark times together. He’s rolling everywhere now and has graduated out of the rock-n-play and into the pack-n-play, 3 months before schedule!. He’s slept through the night (once) and he sleeps wonderfully, overall. I still get emotional when I think of our first month. I sometimes feel I was robbed of the blissful newborn phase. I may mourn that for a while. Regardless of the sadness, we made it through. 

I’m also going to just leave this here: There is research linking MTHFR to children (more likely boys) being born with lip-ties! 

The amazing dentist we used is: Robert M Marcus, DDS

New and breaking news: There is a local dentist (to us here in central Virginia) who now performs these laser frenectomy procedures! He is a dentist we’ve used and respect greatly: Dr. Browning in Waynesboro, VA!

For the Birth Story Junkies Out There….

February 24, 2016

4 a.m. – I roll out of bed and go pee, because going pee all hours of the night is just part and parcel with pregnancy, am I right? As I’d done every time I peed for the last month, I checked the toilet and the toilet paper, looking for signs that labor had begun. Blood. Anything. Nothing. I crawled back into bed, exhausted and depressed about the whole thing. I laid there letting the thoughts come and go. I was sad, exhausted, disappointed, confused, telling myself I would go into labor at the right time, trying to find hope and inspiration… the thoughts just tumbled about like rocks in a rock tumbler. They hurt. They thudded against the walls of my brain. And at some point they dulled. They got more smooth. I knew the reality of the situation. After a month of labor signs, contractions and hope, I may have felt hopeless, but I knew the truth: labor was coming. He couldn’t stay in there forever. 

6 a.m. – I roll out of bed and go pee…. Again. (see above) This time, there is blood and mucus (and do I really need to apologize for being so blunt? You’re reading a birth story for goodness sake!) and I couldn’t be happier. It’s happening. I crawl back into bed, cuddle up next to my husband and tell him, “It’s starting.” My whisper feels like it’s riding on wings, sending hope and promise into the room where I’d been crying for weeks on end. He startles to consciousness and asks, “Should I stay home?” “Oh no,” I reply, “It could be a long while. I’ll keep you posted.” The morning continued like all mornings. I made breakfast, packed lunches, kissed my husband goodbye, granted my girls screen time, and got ready for the day. My dad said he would take the girls to and from preschool while my mom and I went to my midwife appointment. 

8:45 a.m. – Midwife appointment. I tried not to be too hopeful. After all, I’d been having contractions for days on end for over a month. The texts exchanged between me and my doula were embarrassing at this point. Still, it had to be done. Mom and I went to the appointment, did the weigh in, the pee in the a cup thing, and then waited in the exam room for the nurse. I casually told the nurse that I’d had bloody show this morning and I was hopeful baby was on his way. I had an ultrasound and confirmed the placenta was gigantic, going across the front of my uterus, preventing baby from assuming the correct position (he was transverse). Otherwise, everything looked good. Onto the table I went, except I couldn’t sit still, so I stood, hooked up to the fetal monitoring system, waiting to get my hour’s worth of good heart beat measurements. The nurse kept checking in and said baby must be sleeping. Did I want a juice? Could I walk around? I grabbed my water bottle and started drinking. I didn’t have an appetite and didn’t really want anything to drink. Moving, jiggling, talking to him and laughing with my mom, we saw some great spikes on the monitor. We kept hoping we would get enough to go home. 

Finally, the midwife came in and said we’d had enough heart rate spikes. She also said, “You’re having a lot of contractions. Did you know that?” I laughed and said, “I’ve been having contractions for a month! I’ve stopped thinking they mean anything anymore!” She pointed to the chart and said, “These are really long though and really close together.” I smiled and said, “Well, hopefully baby will be here soon!” A little twinge went through me. Maybe this really is it?!  I thought sadly about my daughter’s birthday the next day and how I’d been so sure this baby would be here before then. The whole pregnancy I had worried about missing her birthday and assured myself I wouldn’t and now? It looked like this baby was taking the same timeline as she had.

I was also informed at this point that none of the midwives were on call that night. Really? I go to midwives my entire pregnancy, meet them all, and now none of them would be at the hospital if the baby came that night? I felt jittery and anxious. The midwives were my people. And who knows who I would get. They mentioned a doctor’s name and I started texting friends and my husband about the turn of events. Thankfully, my husband wrote back quickly saying that the OB on call had an incredible reputation. I just prayed I wouldn’t be there long enough to care!

The kind midwife came back in and asked if we could schedule my induction. I had prayed it wouldn’t come to this. Each weekly chiropractor appointment, I had said, “I’ll schedule it but hopefully won’t be able to make it.” Each midwife appointment I would say, “I’ll schedule it but hopefully won’t be there!” I had done everything to try to move things along. I took Master Gland. I ate entire pineapples. I did inversions to improve position (a la http://www.spinningbabies.com). I had sex. I did hip circles on the exercise ball. I danced. I played with my girls until I forgot what I was waiting for. I relaxed as much as I could. I bounced. I did squats. I made labor drinks and labor cookies. I drank them and ate them. A lot. I cried. I laughed. And no matter what, it came down to this: My first was 42 weeks and 1 day. My second was 41 weeks and 6 days. And this one? Well, we were at 41 weeks and 5 days, and counting. So, we scheduled the induction. Friday, February 26, at 7 a.m. Pssssh, I thought to myself, I don’t think I’ll have to go to that appointment and even if I did, I certainly wasn’t going to rush to a 7 a.m. appointment to be induced. 

After the midwife appointment was over, I told my mom I wanted a coffee from my favorite coffee drive-through, Micah’s. It was raining outside and as we left the building I asked if I could drive. “Are you sure? You’re in labor!” mom asked. “I’ve been in labor for a month!” I replied. I drove us a couple blocks out of our way toward the coffee place and my husband called. I had texted him during the appointment to say maybe he should come home at lunch, just in case. “I’m on my way! Should I come to the midwife’s office, or the hospital, or what?” I laughed at his urgency. “Just come home! I’m grabbing a coffee with mom.” I said, laughing out loud.  “I thought you were in labor?!” he exclaimed. “I’ve been in labor for a month!” I said for what seemed the fifth time that day. 

Mom and I returned home with our coffees. I sat at the counter, guzzling mine while dad cleaned and cooked. He was going to make his famous chicken enchiladas and I couldn’t wait to eat them. When my coffee was finished (within minutes), I said I was going to lay down. I had this fantasy that I could just lay in bed, progress with labor, focus on hypnobirthing, and my baby would just slip out of my body. Hey, I said it was a fantasy, right? 

I was pleased that the contractions had continued. I laid in bed. I drank water. I watched episodes of the Bachelor. At some point, I silenced my phone and stopped texting my friends. My husband came home. My dad picked up our youngest daughter from school and brought our oldest home early, too. I could hear their tiny voices chatting enthusiastically. How exciting for them: grandparents there, daddy home early, mommy in bed. Something was happening! I was proud of the work I was doing. I relaxed into the contractions. I dozed whenever I could (an issue in my two previous births). I stayed hydrated (an issue in my first birth). It all felt good.

4 p.m. – My husband called our doula to let her know I was still having contractions and though I said it could be awhile, she decided to come over just for a minute to assess the situation. I felt sure she would realize I was perfectly fine, conscious, not in late stages of labor, and then she would be on her way. I figured, like my other children, this one would come in the middle of the night, perhaps after days of labor, like my first. 

She came in and chatted with me for a bit. Asked me to use the bathroom and have some contractions while sitting on the toilet, which I did. She asked if we could take a walk. My husband and I obliged. She helped me slip on some shoes, saying it was wet outside. I vaguely remembered the afternoon in bed, listening to the thunder and rain and wind outside my window, thinking, this sounded more like a summer storm, not a February afternoon. I noticed how damp everything was outside and how clear the sky had become, watching the soon-to-be-sunset colors drift across the sky. My husband and I walked, me leaning on him when need be, slowing or stopping for contractions to pass. I could hear my doula taking pictures while we walked. Down to the end of the street we went. Turning around and walking back. When we reached the house, my husband decided to go in to help with the kids and dinner. Doula and I kept walking to the other end of the street and back. At one point my neighbor hollered, “Trying to walk that baby out?” I just waved my hand in the air. I couldn’t have a conversation about it right now. He couldn’t know how right he was. I bragged to her about my dad’s enchiladas and she cautioned me about eating dairy before labor. I was so disappointed, but trusted her judgment. The last thing I wanted was to be throwing up my dad’s beloved enchiladas.

6:30 p.m. – I was in bed again after our walk. Our doula didn’t end up leaving after all. I thought perhaps that was a good sign. Maybe I was farther along than I thought. Still, I resumed my position of laying in bed letting the contractions come and go, trusting they would deliver my baby for me. I hear the doula playing hide and seek with my girls. I thought how sweet that was of her. I thought how I had wanted nobody home while I labored. It was such a private thing for me, I had hoped this baby would come before my parents arrived. I had hoped my friend would come and pick up my kids and it would be just my husband and my doula alone in my home. None of this happened though. Here I was laying in bed, listening to them eat dinner and play games while I labored alone. 

When my oldest daughter came in to say goodnight, I felt the loneliness overcome me. I missed my kids and my husband and my parents. I had missed dinner and games and bedtime. And here my daughter was asking if I could come do bedtime with her. I hugged and kissed her and said I just couldn’t right now; I was trying to have our baby brother. She left the room looking as sad as I felt and I started crying. I told my doula, “I miss my kids.” And then I began to sob.

She said she understood and maybe it was time to head to the hospital. I had a brief surge of excitement. Did she really think it was time? I hadn’t thought it could possibly be time. “What if I’m not far enough along? What if they send me home?” I agonized over the possibilities through my tears. She said, “Well, then we’ll go out for pizza!” She encouraged me to drink my strong cup of red raspberry leaf tea and use the bathroom before we left. I asked if I could eat my apple too and she said yes. I scarfed it down, whining internally about how it was nothing compared to dad’s enchiladas. I drank the tea, saying a little prayer that it would do what it was supposed to. I used the bathroom, staying in there for 4 contractions.

And then I began to move. My husband had my bag. My kids were in bed. My parents stood in the entryway at the end of the hall, watching me slowly walk toward the door. I stood in the entryway awkwardly. My mom rubbed my back. I looked at my doula and husband for help. I didn’t want this. My headphones were in my ears, playing Hypnobirthing tracks I’d listened to the entire pregnancy. I wanted to stay in my cave, not converse or interact with people. I headed for the door, stopping again for another contraction. They were coming so quickly now. Over the threshold, to the first step, and stopping for another one, I realized my dad was next to me. I could hear the doula getting in her car, and my husband starting his. As usual, the February weather didn’t seem to penetrate my labor. I felt no temperature change as I walked, contracted, walked, and contracted to the car. My dad’s hand was gently on my elbow and  he explained, “I’m just going to help you to the car, so you don’t fall.” My eyes filled with tears. He’s a good dad. Not intrusive. Not pushy. Just helpful. Quietly strong. He helped me in the car, squeezed my hand and I leaned back with my eyes closed, trying to focus, yet again, on the hypnobirthing labor cave I had built for myself in my head.

7:16 p.m. – I watched the clock on my husband’s car change. I looked at the dark sky and the headlights passing us. We ran a yellow light. He looked in his rearview for the doula. I thought to myself, she knows where she’s going, it’s ok. At the hospital, he parked and helped me out of the car. Through the parking lot we walked in the darkness and mostly silence, me leaning on him during contractions, then taking a deep breath and walking some more. Into the hospital we continued. Our doula guided us to the elevator and we made our way to the second floor. Once there we were buzzed into the admitting area and I tried to stay in my cave. I heard questions being asked. I heard myself answering them. I heard a nurse ask, “Is she going to want an epidural because our anesthesiologist is leaving for the night.” A flutter went through my heart, a shudder through my body; was I really going to do this without medication? Maybe I should change my mind. Maybe I should ask them to hold the anesthesiologist just in case. Or maybe I should let him leave, because I could do this. Maybe I was closer than I thought. In hindsight, my husband would describe those few minutes as amazing: “She was amazing. She walked through the parking lot, into the hospital, checked herself in, and gave birth. She did it all by herself.”

7:38 – 10:08 p.m. – Two and a half hours. That’s all it was. And yet so much seemed to take place. I was introduced to nurses. Accompanied to the bathroom. Helped out of my pants and underwear. I remember the trail of blood I left as I walked through the room. A nurse said, “You’re the skinniest pregnant woman I ever saw!” I thought to myself, she’s ridiculous. At some point they got a needle in my hand; the “just in case needle” reminding me that I might end up needing intervention. I could smell my doula’s essential oils. I tried to find a comfortable position. I just wanted to lay on my stomach and go to sleep. Soon. Soon, the baby would be out and I’d have my stomach back again. I grasped hand rails of the bed. I rolled from side, to front, to side, moaning through contractions, listening to my hypnobirthing as it played from my iPhone in my doula’s hand. I heard the nurse remark that I was so relaxed; she’d never seen a laboring woman so relaxed before. Someone said they needed to check me. That required laying on my back. There was nothing I wanted less, but everyone helped me get there. I screamed during the cervical check and immediately went back to my side and stomach, curling around my rock hard uterus and wondering if I was going to make it. I heard them say they should call the doctor because she lived in Staunton. I guess I was far enough along to call the doctor, so that was good, right? I didn’t want to know what my dilation was but it killed me that no one was saying, “You’re so close.” In hindsight, I was a 4, maybe a 5 and I’m glad they didn’t tell me. I heard the nurse saying the smell of the oils was too much for her and she was getting a headache; she said it was okay if we used them, but she would switch out with another nurse. I don’t know what my doula did, but the nurse stayed and the smells weren’t so intense. As things progressed, I started moaning, “Nooooooooo” every time a contraction would rise up within me. My doula would say, “Yessss, Theresa, yesssss.” “NOOO!” I would yell louder. I’m pretty sure I knew I didn’t want anymore. In the bathroom I told her, “I think I need something. Drugs. An epidural. Anything.” She said, “No, you don’t. You’re so close. Those are just going to slow down your labor anyway and you’ve been waiting a month for this baby to come!” I felt unsteady, unsure about what I wanted anymore. I returned to the bed, to labor some more.

A huge release came with a loud pop and a rush and I thought, “He’s here!” But it wasn’t my baby. It was my water breaking violently all over the place. I’d never experienced that in my previous births. After the brief rush passed, I realized I still had a lot of work to do.

10:09 p.m. – That’s when he was born. It happened so quickly. One minute I was in my personal hell of contractions and I felt myself pushing. I heard them whispering about me pushing when it wasn’t time yet, but I couldn’t stop. I realized the doctor was there. I saw her down below discussing my dilation with the nurse and doula. Still, I couldn’t stop pushing. At some point, the doctor pushed my cervix’s lip over the baby’s head and announced that I was fully dilated and could push. They wanted me on my back again. I didn’t think I could move. I just wanted to keep pushing and pushing until it was over. Somehow I ended up in an upright, somewhat seated position. The back of the bed was so high, I don’t even know that you could say I was on my back; it was more like I was sitting in a chair. I continued pushing and yelling. I heard the doctor talking to my husband about how my other births have been. He mentioned that I caught my second daughter myself and she asked if I’d like to do that again. How could they sit around talking about me while I was being tortured? I wondered. And within seconds I was told to reach down and grab my baby. In between contractions, my head resting back against the bed, I shook it saying, “No, I can’t.” I was so tired. So very tired. They kept saying, “He’s here! Grab him.” I opened my eyes for the first time in what seemed like hours, looked down and saw a huge baby head and a shoulder. He was facing to my left, completely. I couldn’t believe he was still sideways after all of that! I tried to get a grip on him, shoulder and all, and somehow I pulled him out and started screaming “Yes!” over and over and over and over. Nothing mattered except it was over and he was here and we were together and it was over, it was over, it was over. I had done it. I had really done it. Less than 3 hours of active labor and he was here. In my arms. Screaming his head off. Placenta delivered. Stitches administered through my protests of “What are they doing to me? Why are they hurting me?”

The nurse kept gushing about two things: how big my baby was and how relaxed I was. 
“You should give classes on how to be relaxed!”
“I’ve never seen a laboring woman so relaxed before!”
“Your body was completely limp!”
“He’s huge!”

“That’s a big boy!”
And forever captured on video, her saying, “He’s a monster!”

They moved us to another room for the night, though I insisted I didn’t want to stay. I wanted to go home with my baby. Tomorrow is my daughter’s birthday. I wanted to be home. My husband slept. I couldn’t sleep. I had a baby. The baby I had wished for, prayed for, fought for, begged for; he was here. I just stared at him. 
In the morning my husband returned home to have breakfast with our birthday girl. I cleaned myself up and sat cross-legged in bed, texting and Facebook-ing and just gushing over the goodness of my little miracle. A nurse came in and said, “If you’re sitting like that, I’m guessing you’re just fine and ready to go home!” Everyone on the floor knew us as the family who wanted to leave early, who had a birthday girl at home. I so appreciated all of their help and concern, but I wanted out. 

My husband returned; he brought our daughters and enchiladas! We all hung out. Took pictures. Waited for doctors to come and go and check us off their list. It seemed an eternity before we were getting into our car and heading home to begin our new lives as a family of five. 

I would say in these first 24+ hours that this unmedicated, natural childbirth was the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life. I had no idea what the next month would hold… ​

Thank you for reading this extremely personal, beautiful and life-changing account of the birth of my son. I appreciate your supportiveness and kindness as you peek into a private moment of my life.